{"id":18685,"date":"2010-05-03T14:36:05","date_gmt":"2010-05-03T22:36:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=18685"},"modified":"2010-05-03T16:43:04","modified_gmt":"2010-05-04T00:43:04","slug":"the-bad-jew-port-of-call-dockweiler-beach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=18685","title":{"rendered":"The Bad Jew: Port Of Call – Dockweiler Beach"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sunday afternoon<\/a>. I can’t believe I can’t pull off a car pool from Pico-Robertson. I am a 43-year old loser who’s about to crash another JConnectLA<\/a> event expressly designed for people under 40. <\/p>\n

I am a pariah. I have no friends. Why do I even bother trying?<\/p>\n

She emails back: “Lol,Luke this is funny…I feel like in a time machine! I think you asked me for a ride there in 08 and 09! I know,we’ve known eachother THAT LONG?!”<\/p>\n

Sheesh, parking is going to cost $5. I’ll spend about $8 on gas. The wear and tear on my vehicle, probably another $10. Why go? I don’t eat meat. I can’t sing. I don’t play an instrument. It’s going to be a dark and lonely night. I’ll probably have an accident and kill a bunch of retarded people in wheelchairs.<\/p>\n

So I go and I find free parking on Vista Del Mar and I talk to blokes and I lie on some sheila’s blanket and I look up at the sky and feel a cold wind against my cheek and people walk by and say, “That guy’s going to get stepped on.”<\/p>\n

And so I walk off and I stand by the fire and I look at the party all around me and here I am, Mr. Verbal, and I’ve got nothing to say. Might as well go home, do a U-turn over the solid yellow lines and resolve to talk about it tomorrow in therapy.<\/a><\/p>\n

A girl says to me, “You can tell someone’s health by their skin. Your skin is glowing.”<\/p>\n

“Your heart is very open right now,” says another girl.<\/p>\n

Damn, why did I have to eat three straight meals of four hardboiled egg whites, oatmeal with frozen blueberries and walnuts smothered in chocolate soy milk, and a mouthful of parsley?<\/p>\n

I sense a great controversy in my intestinal tract and I fear the good guys are losing. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sunday afternoon. I can’t believe I can’t pull off a car pool from Pico-Robertson. I am a 43-year old loser who’s about to crash another JConnectLA event expressly designed for people under 40. I am a pariah. I have no … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[7768,22066,22063,22065,22064,7770],"class_list":["post-18685","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-dockweiler-beach","tag-egg-whites","tag-frozen-blueberries","tag-great-controversy","tag-hardboiled-egg","tag-vista-del-mar"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t