Lewis picks me up. He drives a leased German luxury car with a navigation system — it’s I.G. Farben’s pace car — yet he lives in constant fear of destitution.<\/p>\n
He has no trust in the Almighty.<\/p>\n
He’s a secular Jew. He’s wearing shorts. He’s bummed that Jeff’s Gourmet is closed for Christmas.<\/p>\n
I welcome this opportunity to do kiruv.<\/p>\n
Lewis: "You only eat in kosher restaurants?"<\/p>\n
Luke: "Yes."<\/p>\n
"You buying?"<\/p>\n
Lewis: "Yes."<\/p>\n
"It must be weeks for you. Cultists are purposefully famished. The rebbe wears a rolex, though."<\/p>\n
"You’re vegetarian. Why can’t you eat vegetables out of a non-kosher restaurant?"<\/p>\n
Luke: "Because G-d said not to."<\/p>\n
Lewis: "God did not say not to. A scribe said not to."<\/p>\n
Luke: "The Torah says you shall not boil a kid in his mother’s milk, that means two sets of dishes."<\/p>\n
Lewis: "I can’t wait till you start selling life insurance. You’ll have to redirect your messianic zeal to a good purpose. You’ll still be saving lives."<\/p>\n
"Luke…"<\/p>\n
"I’m Levi."<\/p>\n
Lewis: "Have you covered the mirrors for Luke Ford?"<\/p>\n
Levi: "No. I still bring him out for the goyim and the Jewish goyim."<\/p>\n
Lewis: "Who are the Jewish goyim? Oh, that’s right. I’m Jewish goyim."<\/p>\n
Luke: "Your parents are secular. I regard you as though you were kidnapped by barbarians and you don’t know any better. You desecrate the Torah out of ignorance."<\/p>\n
The kosher Subway is jammed. I drag Lewis across Pico Blvd to Pizza Station<\/a>.<\/p>\n As I walk in, a young man walking out stares at me.<\/p>\n I nod.<\/p>\n "I read your blog," he says. "My name’s Barry."<\/p>\n Levi: "I’m Levi."<\/p>\n Lewis: "My brother’s name is Barry."<\/p>\n Barry doesn’t give a damn.<\/p>\n Lewis is intimidated by a big picture of the rebbe.<\/p>\n He’s used to goyisha Brentwood.<\/p>\n Pico\/Robertson is a steep elevation for him.<\/p>\n Lewis orders a pita fajita. "Could I get some chicken with that?"<\/p>\n Levi: "This is a dairy restaurant, you goy! I can’t take you anywhere without you shaming me."<\/p>\n Lewis pays for my tostada. He pays for a bottle of water. He leaves a generous tip, more than 20%. He never gets his water.<\/p>\n "Make sure you blog that they never gave me my water," Lewis says. "I want you to have a great blog post up before I get home."<\/p>\n I wave out the window at Barry who’s playing with his daughter.<\/p>\n I see a bunch of people from shul.<\/p>\n Lewis muses that Rabbi Michael Broyde<\/a> (his professor of Jewish law at Emory) and John Podhoretz<\/a> (editor of Commentary Magazine) are the Robert Redford and Paul Newman of the Jewish commentariat. He asks me who’s more handsome.<\/p>\n I’m stumped.<\/p>\n Lewis: "This is surprisingly good."<\/p>\n "Who’s that friend of Jackie’s she stays with? The director?"<\/p>\n "Screenwriter."<\/p>\n "Has he got the Story of Baruch Goldstein greenlit yet, God bless him?"<\/p>\n We go next door. Lewis buys me $10 worth of chocolates from the brunette.<\/p>\n We flirt and leave.<\/p>\n "I’m so burned out," says Lewis.<\/p>\n "That’s because you’re secular life is so arid."<\/p>\n "Should I start fiddling and buying wholesale? I consider myself the Disraeli of Brentwood. I’m Jewish from the waist down."<\/p>\n Let there be no hope for slanderers, and let all wickedness perish in an instant. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Lewis picks me up. He drives a leased German luxury car with a navigation system — it’s I.G. Farben’s pace car — yet he lives in constant fear of destitution. He has no trust in the Almighty. He’s a secular … Continue reading
\nMay all Your enemies quickly be cut down, and may You soon in our day uproot, crush, cast down and humble the dominion of arrogance.
\nBlessed are You, O Lord, who smashes enemies and humbles the arrogant.<\/p>\n