Gemini: A geopolitical move as surreal as an invasion of Greenland would belong to a specific category of historical absurdity where the sheer scale of the ambition clashes with the triviality or bizarre nature of the target. History provides a few rival candidates for the title of “funniest geopolitical event,” often involving animals, household objects, or profound misunderstandings.<\/p>\n
The Great Emu War (1932)
\nIn 1932, the Australian military deployed soldiers armed with Lewis guns to the Outback to handle a “menace” of 20,000 emus destroying crops. The emus proved to be superior tactical guerilla fighters. They split into small groups to avoid machine-gun fire, leading one frustrated commander to remark that the birds had the invulnerability of tanks. The military eventually withdrew, and the emus won the war.<\/p>\n
The Kettle War (1784)
\nThis naval confrontation between the Holy Roman Empire and the Dutch Republic is famous for its lack of casualties. The only “victim” of the entire conflict was a soup kettle on the deck of an Austrian ship, which was struck by a single cannonball from a Dutch vessel. The Austrian ship surrendered immediately after the loss of its soup, and the war ended.<\/p>\n
The Whisky War (1984\u20132022)
\nFor nearly 40 years, Canada and Denmark engaged in a “conflict” over Hans Island, a tiny, uninhabited rock in the Arctic. Whenever Danish troops visited, they left a bottle of schnapps and a sign saying “Welcome to the Danish Island.” When the Canadians arrived, they replaced the schnapps with Canadian Club whisky and a sign saying “Welcome to Canada.” This ritual continued until they finally agreed to split the island in 2022.<\/p>\n
The Capture of Guam (1898)
\nDuring the Spanish-American War, a US cruiser arrived at Guam and fired several shots at a fort. The Spanish authorities, unaware that war had even been declared, rowed out to the American ship to apologize for not returning the “salute.” They explained they were out of gunpowder and were shocked to learn they were actually being invaded. They surrendered on the spot.<\/p>\n
The Pig War (1859)
\nThe United States and the British Empire nearly went to war over a boundary dispute on San Juan Island, triggered when an American farmer shot a British-owned pig that was eating his potatoes. Both nations sent warships and hundreds of soldiers to the island. For weeks, the troops stared at each other across the lines, but the commanders refused to fire a shot over “a squabble about a pig.” The pig remained the only casualty of the standoff.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Gemini: A geopolitical move as surreal as an invasion of Greenland would belong to a specific category of historical absurdity where the sheer scale of the ambition clashes with the triviality or bizarre nature of the target. History provides a … Continue reading