I’ve spent my life chasing distinction instead of connection. When I change this habit and spend more energy on connection instead of attention, I not only increase my happiness, I also become more effective. <\/p>\n
We can’t always win in the attention economy but we can all become more effective. <\/p>\n
What annoys me about pundits is that they primarily promote themselves rather than the truth. <\/p>\n
The truth is that most of us most of the time are insignificant (except to a tiny number of people such as family and friends). <\/p>\n
If I died today, a dozen people might be devastated and a few hundred people would be briefly sad. <\/p>\n
Ira Israel is on to something here<\/a>: <\/p>\n It may sound paradoxical but what if the path to enlightenment begins with accepting our own insignificance? What if the drive to be \u201csomebody\u201d is what fuels our anxiety and depression?<\/p>\n As a therapist, I often see patients struggling under the weight of needing to feel significant. In helping them, I have found surprising common ground between three different traditions: the Buddhist concept of sunyata, philosopher Jean\u2011Paul Sartre\u2019s idea of nothingness, and psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan\u2019s notion of subjective destitution. Each challenges our attachment to self\u2011importance, not to erase the self but to free it. And far from espousing nihilism, each theory outlines a path towards freedom and authenticity.<\/p>\n We live in a culture that rewards visibility \u2014 likes, follows, and polished personal \u201cbrands\u201d that we create mostly for social media. Most of us are conditioned to equate attention with worth, but this hunger for admiration often breeds alienation, resentment, frustration, jealousy, and disappointment \u2014 from others, and even from ourselves. What if well\u2011being doesn\u2019t come from building shinier facades, but from loosening our holds on trying to be significant?<\/p>\n …The self is not fixed or permanent.<\/p>\n Emptiness or lack is not a defect; it\u2019s the starting point for freedom.<\/p>\n Clinging to self\u2011importance fuels suffering and alienation.<\/p>\n Letting go invites more responsible, authentic engagement with life.<\/p>\n Rejecting self\u2011importance doesn\u2019t mean drifting into passivity or cynicism. These ideas can help us redirect our energy toward genuine connection and contribution:<\/p>\n Serve compassionately: Let meaning come from helping others, not from seeking validation.<\/p>\n Live your values quietly: Integrity matters more than applause.<\/p>\n Build inclusive communities: Welcome people for who they are, not what they achieve.<\/p>\n Support larger causes: Invest in the well\u2011being of the planet and others.<\/p>\n Mentor without ownership: Share knowledge freely, without needing credit.<\/p>\n Create as an offering: Let art or innovation enrich life, not your r\u00e9sum\u00e9.<\/p>\n Listen deeply: Hear others without rushing to center yourself.<\/p>\n Be present: Release preoccupation with recognition; focus on the moment at hand.<\/p>\n Practice spontaneous kindness: Give without calculation.<\/p>\n Stay vulnerable: Honest sharing fosters real connection.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I’ve spent my life chasing distinction instead of connection. When I change this habit and spend more energy on connection instead of attention, I not only increase my happiness, I also become more effective. We can’t always win in the … Continue reading