{"id":13644,"date":"2009-12-01T16:20:27","date_gmt":"2009-12-02T00:20:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=13644"},"modified":"2009-12-01T18:50:25","modified_gmt":"2009-12-02T02:50:25","slug":"im-live-on-my-cam-21","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=13644","title":{"rendered":"I’m Live On My Cam"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m live on my cam.<\/a>
\nI’m a gentle soul. I have loads of empathy. Just stacks of it. So when people come into my chat room and ask me to talk to them, I often try to make an effort to be friendly. There’s never a reward for that. Everybody who has ever come into my chatroom — during the almost two years I’ve had it — who has pled with me to talk to them has failed to be interesting.
\nInteresting people never plead for attention. All those who plead for attention are not interesting. It’s been an iron rule.
\nAlso, hot chicks never plead for attention. Chicks who plead for attention in my chat room are never hot.
\nI believe there are profound lessons here for life.<\/p>\n

jim: not talking today..
\njim: I”v been here before luke
\nYourMoralLeader: gday
\njim: I cant understand why you dont talk
\njim: your not very friendly today whats wrong ?
\njim: you cant make friends this way…..
\njim: bye luke see ya next time have a good day friend Bye<\/p>\n

See? What did I get for my effort of saying “Gday”? I got bupkis.
\nSo don’t come into my chat room and plead for my attention. Do something interesting and then you will get my attention. Or if I am preoccupied with my study of the sacred text, leave your email address in my chatroom and I’ll hit you back as soon as I’ve finished the Talmudic tractate I’m memorizing.<\/p>\n

YourMoralLeader: who r u beth?
\nBeth: The female version of you, but for the grace of G-d.
\nBeth: Your book is keeping me up nights, introspectively. So thanks for the free therapy.
\nYourMoralLeader: i am flattered
\nBeth: I’m glad, you should be. I’m not easily shaken.
\nYourMoralLeader: what work do you?
\nBeth: I’m an editor and book designer for small genre press.
\nBeth: Horror, crime, sci-fi. I write erotica but it’s too good to publish.
\nChaimAmalek: I hope this works out. If Pakistan goes….
\nYourMoralLeader: Chaim, Beth is married
\nChaimAmalek: 80 – 100 nukes,
\nChaimAmalek: Is this Beth married to a Jew?
\nBeth: What’s that got to do with Pakistan, Luke?
\nChaimAmalek: Nothing, but then why did Luke raise this issue?
\nYourMoralLeader: because you are a secular horn dog
\nChaimAmalek: Unless he were contemplating having coitus with you while Pakistan goes into the s**tter
\nYourMoralLeader: i am a holy man
\nChaimAmalek: Yes, yes you are. I expect you to go haredi soon.
\nBeth: If ever there was cause to celebrate, with coitus or otherwise…
\nChaimAmalek: I used to work at Yohah Shimmel’s Coital Clothery on the Lower East Side
\nChaimAmalek: I worked the drill press
\nYourMoralLeader: oy, always talking about sex
\nChaimAmalek: Of course, if you are a shiksa, this won’t mean a thing to you. Luke, I came in here guns blazing on nukes and Pakis
\nChaimAmalek: Luke, why do you suddenly feel obligated to discuss sexual matters? When it is just males in here, you don’t even open your mouth
\nChaimAmalek: Let’s focus on Pakistan and muslims and nukes.
\nChaimAmalek: Also, Bloomberg.com reports that the bankers at GoldmanSachs are arming themselves
\nguest: i’d rather hear about tigers sexcapades
\nChaimAmalek: Beth, I neglected to say hello. How do you do?
\nBeth: I’m that American breed of shiksa. The daughter of an observant conservative Jew and his never-bothered-to-convert shiksa wife who lights shabbos candles.
\nChaimAmalek: SHIKSA MENACE V. 4.0
\nYourMoralLeader: oh my
\nChaimAmalek: excuse me, v 3.0
\nChaimAmalek: v 1.0: blonde shiksa goddess; v2.0: the Yellow Peril; v3.0:the mishelung; v4.0:the Hindoo Honey<\/p>\n

Beth: I went through some conversion classes but they really stressed the Hebrew reading and my brain shut down.
\nChaimAmalek: Is your husband Jewish?
\nBeth: Afraid not. I wouldn’t have done that to the Jewish people.
\nChaimAmalek: So why bother messing with conversion? I’ve always held that a gentile white woman who seeks to convert to Judaism or Islam likely is nuts
\nBeth: I would “bother messing with conversion” because I’m a Jew as far as everyone but the Jews is concerned.
\nChaimAmalek: Luke, why don’t you do the right thing and propose marriage?
\nChaimAmalek: Luke, I want to visit for your wedding. When will this be?
\nguest: it will take place at beth jacob with the honorable Rabbi Weil presiding
\nChaimAmalek: But when?
\nguest: before the coming of the jewish Messiah
\nChaimAmalek: He already came, sayeth the Messianists of Looobavitch
\nguest: no food other than split pea soup will be served
\nBeth: I’m relegated to the status of spare white woman.<\/p>\n

ChaimAmalek: America is too well entertained a nation.
\nChaimAmalek: American men play with their Wees while Asiatics practice integral calculus.
\nChaimAmalek: Were I president, I would demand that every American spend one hour a day doing math drills and another hour on physical fitness.<\/p>\n

ChaimAmalek: Luke and Holly might have made some beautiful babies together.
\nguest: yes…but would we be invited to a bris?
\nChaimAmalek: Sorry….I know I should not touch on that topic.
\nguest: i guess you could scratch a bar mitzvah invite too
\nChaimAmalek: So what? Is there otherwise ever going to be a bar mitzvah invite?
\nguest: no check will be in the mail
\nChaimAmalek: Just the passage of time, physical decline, poverty, old age, sickness, death, and barely a mention in the blogosphere. Exactly the opposite of what would have been his life had he pursued Holly
\nBeth: how long do you all plan to be at this virtual party?
\nChaimAmalek: What party?
\nChaimAmalek: There is no celebration here.
\nBeth: I suppose sarcasm doesn’t travel well over the web.
\nChaimAmalek: Turn around. Leaves are brown, there’s a patch of snow on the ground.
\nChaimAmalek: Beth, make babies!
\nChaimAmalek: This is how the books balance.
\nBeth: I’ll let my husband know you think so, Chaim.
\nChaimAmalek: I’ll bet he agrees
\nguest: we need to breed …more amaleks
\nBeth: I’ll be back. Hope you’re still here.
\nChaimAmalek: True that. I am willing to inseminate any suitable woman who comes my way.
\nguest: dono’t leave me all alone
\nChaimAmalek: I’m still here, with my semen
\nUser Beth left the room.
\nguest: your cold sarcastic semen?
\nChaimAmalek: It just needs the affection of a fertile woman to warm up<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m live on my cam. I’m a gentle soul. I have loads of empathy. Just stacks of it. So when people come into my chat room and ask me to talk to them, I often try to make an effort … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[20200,17503,14477,20199,20198,15777,4329],"class_list":["post-13644","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-gday","tag-gentle-soul","tag-hot-chicks","tag-iron-rule","tag-profound-lessons","tag-sacred-text","tag-stacks"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13644","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13644"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13644\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13677,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13644\/revisions\/13677"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13644"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13644"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13644"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}