{"id":119558,"date":"2017-12-31T06:57:03","date_gmt":"2017-12-31T14:57:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=119558"},"modified":"2017-12-31T06:57:03","modified_gmt":"2017-12-31T14:57:03","slug":"is-gay-happiness-not-worth-a-mazal-tov","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=119558","title":{"rendered":"Is Gay Happiness Not Worth A Mazal Tov?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ari Shane Weitz writes<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\nAfter my boyfriend Avidan and I got engaged at the end of October, our friends and family \u2014 both our given and chosen families \u2014 congratulated and applauded this milestone. They were celebrating our happiness and how much this means to us. We had a small engagement party and we were wished a mazal tov by all who came. As with most lifecycle events, a note was sent to Avidan\u2019s parents\u2019 synagogue for the bulletin so that our community could celebrate in the happy news, too. The word \u201cengagement\u201d was used, as we were going to take the next step to be legally married, but the words \u201ckiddushin\u201d or \u201cerusin\u201d (concepts of halachic marriage) were never mentioned. Nothing felt out of the ordinary; in fact, even those who disagreed with our \u201clifestyle\u201d were polite enough to offer congratulations for our happiness.
\nThe happiness didn\u2019t last. Ten days later, in response to the synagogue\u2019s printed well-wishes, came an online post by someone named CB Frommer on Matzav.com (an ultra-Orthodox website). In order to bring attention to the synagogue\u2019s action, the website targeted me and my fianc\u00e9. My first reaction was to laugh. The post, entitled \u201cOpen Orthodox Congregation Wishes Mazel Tov On \u201cMarriage\u201d of Two Men,\u201d was placed under the \u201cBreaking News\u201d category. It was neither \u201cbreaking\u201d or \u201cnewsworthy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even worse, the post included a photo of me and my fianc\u00e9 along with our names, which put my fianc\u00e9, myself and our families right in the line of fire. This is the kind of personal targeting that is common in homophobic newspapers, hoping to turn a community against specific LGBTQ individuals and their families. How sad that this tactic is now used in the Orthodox world.<\/p>\n

The comments to the post, perhaps not surprisingly, were mostly anonymous, given their hatefulness. And there were dozens of them.<\/p>\n

\u201cSick people\u201d with \u201cpsychological issues\u201d who \u201cwon\u2019t be able to celebrate their 50th anniversary with their kids\u201d: You get the picture. While I didn\u2019t expect to have solely positive reactions when I got engaged, I didn\u2019t expect the reactions to be that cruel. I\u2019m having a hard time comprehending the animosity from so many people who don\u2019t know the first thing about me, other than the fact that I\u2019m a gay Jew. I\u2019m having an even harder time understanding why larger Orthodox institutions, rather than publicly coming to our defense, seem to be fanning this hatred.<\/p>\n

When the Orthodox Union (OU) got wind of the mazal tov, HIR (an OU-affiliated synagogue) apparently was pressured to no longer announce the weddings of its LGBT members in its newsletters, in accordance with OU policy. (The synagogue had been announcing same-sex marriages in the shul bulletin since earlier in 2016, according to JTA.) Showing \u201csupport for, or celebration of, halachically proscribed conduct is fundamentally inappropriate,\u201d the policy states. Reading into that, it appears that support for the families of LGBT people is prohibited too, because the synagogue\u2019s bulletin didn\u2019t wish either of us a \u201cmazal tov,\u201d it wished Avidan\u2019s parents and grandmother congratulations.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ari Shane Weitz writes: After my boyfriend Avidan and I got engaged at the end of October, our friends and family \u2014 both our given and chosen families \u2014 congratulated and applauded this milestone. They were celebrating our happiness and … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-119558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-homophobia"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t