{"id":117801,"date":"2017-10-01T05:30:51","date_gmt":"2017-10-01T13:30:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=117801"},"modified":"2023-08-21T04:06:47","modified_gmt":"2023-08-21T12:06:47","slug":"torah-talk-sexual-utopia-in-power","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=117801","title":{"rendered":"Torah Talk: Sexual Utopia In Power"},"content":{"rendered":"

Torah Talk resumes today after the Yom Kippur holiday and just before the beginning of the Sukkot festival. Watch live.<\/a><\/p>\n

* Camille Paglia on homosexuality.<\/a><\/p>\n

* I was reading Shalom Aleichem stories over Yom Kippur. In “A Yom Kippur Scandal<\/a>,” he writes: “…a Jew is not a thief by nature. That is, he may be a thief, but not the sort who will climb through a window or attack you with a knife. He will divert, pervert, subvert and contravert as a matter of course; but he won’t pull anything out of your pocket.”<\/p>\n

* Friend: “I want to talk about spiritual\/religious authority–how we recognize it. By miracles? By revelation? Otherwise?”<\/p>\n

* Lefty friend: “I try to keep up friendships with Trump supporters, or at least frenemyships across the divide of our mutual incomprehension. What troubles me the most about our conversations is their conviction that mainstream media — and therefore a conventional understanding of reality — cannot be trusted. This is a deep-seated problem of epistemology which will survive Trump.”<\/p>\n

* “It simultaneously blows my mind & pains me. Since 1999, I\u2019ve worked in two very good newsrooms. Not once has a News Director or EP ever told me, or a coworker, to cover a story with anything less than strict objectivity. No lean, no favoritism, just straight down the middle. While I can\u2019t speak for the network level, I know the experience is very much the same for friends & colleagues in other shops. But you\u2019re right. It\u2019s a problem with real legs.”<\/p>\n

* “The New York Times has spent the past several months running a series of apologia for communism. I have no idea where this distrust comes from.”<\/p>\n

* “WHY don’t you think we trust the mainstream media? Do you personally think that the MSM is in need of some critique? Or none at all? Don’t you think that healthy skepticism of authority (including MSM) is necessary for a functioning democracy?”<\/p>\n

* “I think it comes down the to idea that for many on the right, it’s their country. They hold the title. For eight years they wanted “their country back.” It’s as simple as it sounds. They’re the parents. We’re the kids. They get to decide what the kids know and what they don’t. It’s their flag, authority and patriotism we all must live by. Their religion must be honored. Their free speech is sacrosanct. They require a fair shake but for everyone else, they love to say “life isn’t fair.” Who does the media think they are questioning any of this?”<\/p>\n

“It’s fascinating to witness so many people who know nothing about the internal workings of a newsroom discuss the daily grind with such certainty. What do people think goes in one? Seriously. Do people think there’s a Soros File? Do people think there’s a Daily Corporate Assignment? I never once got a story kicked back with a note “this isn’t liberal enough.” Editors are just happy to hear you have a story (almost any story will do). Corporate sees news as “that stuff that goes around the ads.””<\/p>\n

* I’ve been an NFL fan and a Dallas Cowboys fan since 1978. Monday night, before the National Anthem, the Dallas Cowboys all kneeled. Even though they stood for the anthem, they’re no longer my team. Once anyone kneels for Black Lives Matter, I can no longer support them. <\/p>\n

* NFL\u2019S OAKLAND RAIDERS THREW GAME AFTER WHITE QB REFUSED TO KNEEL FOR NATIONAL ANTHEM<\/a><\/p>\n

* Judaism, Homosexuality & The Alt Right<\/a><\/p>\n

* I’ve interviewed a U.S. Senator (Alan Cranston). I’ve interviewed football coaching legends such as Tom Landry and Bill Walsh, I’ve interviewed star athletes such as Larry Bird, Joe Montana, Steve Young, Roger Craig, Randy White, etc, but the only time I remember feeling intimidated by an interview subject was when I interviewed F. Roger Devlin two years ago.<\/p>\n

Devlin wrote his essays on sex as a reaction reading Chronicles magazine<\/a> and the tired conservative line that women have no agency and men were taking advantage of them. <\/p>\n

Friend: “It seems like per Devlin a community that could successfully raise a lot of virginal maidens would be able to lock down all the alpha males… but if just a few of our virginal maidens go dark & start providing no strings attached sexual relief to the alphas, then all the incentives stop working. But there actually is a strong incentive to be the first virginal maidens to break the line and go slutty… cuz you might cheat the queue and land the seed of the best alpha.”<\/p>\n

More essays by F. Roger Devlin.<\/a><\/p>\n

* There’s nothing about the nature of female sexuality in the Bible. The nature of female sexuality is largely a blank to most people. Devlin describes it as hypergamy — mating with someone of superior status. I remember I was seeing this young woman in 1999 who did not want to be my girlfriend, but she wanted to go to bed with me every time I went on TV, otherwise she was ambivalent. <\/p>\n

Roger Devlin writes:<\/p>\n

“A man\u2019s sexual utopia is, accordingly, a world in which no such limit to female demand for him exists. It is not necessary to resort to pornography for examples. Consider only popular movies aimed at a male audience, such as the James Bond series. Women simply cannot resist James Bond. He does not have to propose marriage, or even request dates. He simply walks into the room and they swoon. The entertainment industry turns out endless unrealistic images such as this. Why, the male viewer eventually may ask, cannot life actually be so? To some, it is tempting to put the blame on the institution of marriage.”<\/p>\n

“Marriage, after all, seems to restrict sex rather drastically. Certain men figure that if sex were permitted both inside and outside of marriage there would be twice as much of it as formerly. They imagined there existed a large, untapped reservoir of female desire hitherto repressed by monogamy. To release it, they sought, during the early postwar period, to replace the seventh
\ncommandment with an endorsement of all sexual activity between \u201cconsenting adults.\u201d Every man could have a harem. Sexual behavior in general, and not merely family life, was henceforward to be regarded as a private matter. Traditionalists who disagreed were said to want to \u201cput a policeman in every bedroom.\u201d This was the age of the Kinsey Report and the first appearance of Playboy magazine. Idle male daydreams had become a social movement.”<\/p>\n

* Shalom Aleichem story “Tit for Tat”<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Once I was a rabbiner. A rabbiner, not a rabbi. That is, I
\nwas called rabbi \u2014 but a rabbi of the crown. <\/p>\n

To old-country Jews I don\u2019t have to explain what a rabbi
\nof the crown is. They know the breed. What are his great re-
\nsponsibilities? He fills out birth certificates, officiates at cir-
\ncumcisions, performs marriages, grants divorces. He gets his
\nshare from the living and the dead. In the synagogue he has a
\nplace of honor, and when the congregation rises, he is the
\nfirst to stand. On legal holidays he appears in a stovepipe hat
\nand holds forth in his best Russian: “Gospoda Prihozhanel\u201d
\nTo take it for granted that among our people a rabbiner is
\nwell loved\u2014 let\u2019s not say any more. Say rather that we put
\nup with him, as we do a government inspector or a deputy
\nsheriff. And yet he is chosen from among the people, that
\nis, every three years a proclamation is sent us: \u201cNa Osnavania
\nPredpisania . . .\u201d Or, as we would say: \u201cYour Lord, the Gov-
\nernor, orders you to come together in the synagogue, poor
\nlittle Jews, and pick out a rabbiner for yourselves . . .\u201d <\/p>\n

Then the campaign begins. Candidates, hot discussions,
\nbrandy, and maybe even a bribe or two. After which come
\ncharges and countercharges, the elections are annulled, and
\nwe are ordered to hold new elections. Again the proclamations: \u201cNa Osnavania Predpisania . . Again candidates,
\ndiscussions, party organizations, brandy, a bribe or two . . .
\nThat was the life! <\/p>\n

Well, there I was \u2014 a rabbiner in a small town in the prov-
\nince of Poltava. But I was anxious to be a modem one. I
\nwanted to serve the public. So I dropped the formalities of
\nmy position and began to mingle with the people \u2014 as we say:
\nto stick my head into the community pot. I got busy with the
\nTalmud Torah, the charity fund, interpreted a law, settled
\ndisputes or just gave plain advice. <\/p>\n

The love of settling disputes, helping people out, or advis-
\ning them, I inherited from my father and my uncles. They \u2014
\nmay they rest in peace \u2014 also enjoyed being bothered all the
\ntime with other people\u2019s business. There are two kinds of
\npeople in the world: those that you can\u2019t bother at all, and
\nothers whom you can bother all the time. You can climb
\nright on their heads \u2014 naturally not in one jump, but gradu-
\nally. First you climb into their laps, then on to their shoul-
\nders, then their heads \u2014 and after that you can jump up and
\ndown on their heads and stamp on their hearts with your
\nheavy boots \u2014 as long as you want to. <\/p>\n

I was that kind, and without boasting I can tell you that I
\nhad plenty of ardent followers and plain hangers-on who
\nweren\u2019t ashamed to come every day and fill my head with
\ntheir clamoring and sit around till late at night. They never
\nrefused a glass of tea, or cigarettes. Newspapers and books
\nthey took without asking. In short, I was a regular fellow. <\/p>\n

Well, there came a day . . . The door opened, and in
\nwalked the very foremost men of the town, the sparkling
\nbest, the very cream of the city. Four householders \u2014 men of
\naffairs \u2014 you could almost say: real men of substance. And
\nwho were these men? Three of them were the Troika \u2014 that
\nwas what we called them in our town because they were to-
\ngether all the time \u2014 partners in whatever business any one of
\nthem was in. They always fought, they were always suspi-
\ncious of each other, and watched everything the others did,
\nand still they never separated \u2014 working always on this princi-
\nple: if the business is a good one and there is profit to be
\nmade, why shouldn\u2019t I have a lick at the bone too? And on
\nthe other hand, if it should end in disaster \u2014 you\u2019ll be buried
\nalong with me, and lie with me deep in the earth. And what
\ndoes God do? He brings together the three partners with a
\nfourth one. They operate together a little less than a year and
\nend up in a brawl. That is why they\u2019re here. <\/p>\n

What had happened? \u201cSince God created thieves, swindlers
\nand crooks, you never saw a thief, swindler or crook like this
\none.\u201d That is the way the three old partners described the
\nfourth one to me. And he, the fourth, said the same about
\nthem. Exactly the same, word for word. And who was this
\nfourth one? He was the quiet little man, a little innocent-
\nlooking fellow, with thick, dark eyebrows under which a pair
\nof shrewd, ironic, little eyes watched everything you did. Ev-
\neryone called him Nachman Lekach. <\/p>\n

His real name was Nachman Noss\u2019n, but everybody called
\nhim Nachman Lekach, because as you know, Noss\u2019n is the
\nHebrew for \u201che gave,\u201d and Lekach means \u201che took,\u201d and in
\nall the time we knew him, no one had ever seen him give
\nanything to anyone \u2014 while at taking no one was better. <\/p>\n

Where were we? Oh, yes . . . So they came to the rabbiner
\nwith the complaints, to see if he could find a way of
\nstraightening out their tangled accounts. \u201cWhatever you de-
\ncide, Rabbi, and whatever you decree, and whatever you say,
\nwill be final.\u201d <\/p>\n

That is how the three old partners said it, and the fourth,
\nReb Nachman, nodded with that innocent look on his face to
\nindicate that he too left it all up to me: \u201cFor the reason,\u201d his
\neyes said, \u201cthat I know that I have done no wrong.\u201d And he
\nsat down in a comer, folded his arms across his chest like an
\nold woman, fixed his shrewd, ironic, little eyes on me, and
\nwaited to see what his partners would have to say. And when
\nthey had all laid out their complaints and charges, presented
\nall their evidence, said all they had to say, he got up, patted
\ndown his thick eyebrows, and not looking at the others at all,
\nonly at me, with those deep, deep, shrewd little eyes of his,
\nhe proceeded to demolish their claims and charges \u2014 so com-
\npletely, that it looked as if they were the thieves, swindlers
\nand crooks \u2014 the three partners of his \u2014 and he, Nachman
\nLekach, was a man of virtue and piety, the little chicken that
\nis slaughtered before Yom Kippur to atone for our sins \u2014 a
\nsacrificial lamb. \u201cAnd every word that you heard them say is
\na complete lie, it never was and never could be. It\u2019s simply
\nout of the question.\u201d And he proved with evidence, argu-
\nments and supporting data that everything he said was true
\nand holy, as if Moses himself had said it. <\/p>\n

All the time he was talking, the others, the Troika, could hardly sit in their chairs. Every moment one or another of
\nthem jumped up, clutched his head \u2014 or his heart! \u201cOf all
\nthings! How can a man talk like that! Such lies and false-
\nhoods!\u201d It was almost impossible to calm them down, to keep
\nthem from tearing at the fourth one\u2019s beard. As for me \u2014 the
\nrabbiner \u2014 it was hard, very hard to crawl out from this horri-
\nble tangle, because by now it was clear that I had a fine band
\nto deal with, all four of them swindlers, thieves and crooks,
\nand informers to boot, and all four of them deserving a
\nsevere punishment. But what? At last this idea occurred to
\nme, and I said to them: <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you ready, my friends? I am prepared to hand down
\nmy decision. My mind is made up. But I won\u2019t disclose what
\nI have to say until each of you has deposited twenty-five
\nrubles \u2014 to prove that you will act upon the decision I am
\nabout to hand down.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWith the greatest of pleasure,\u201d the three spoke out at
\nonce, and Nachman Lekach nodded his head, and all four
\nreached into their pockets, and each one counted out his
\ntwenty-five on the table. I gathered up the money, locked it
\nup in a drawer, and then I gave them my decision in these
\nwords: <\/p>\n

\u201cHaving heard the complaints and the arguments of both
\nparties, and having examined your accounts and studied your
\nevidence, I find according to my understanding and deep con-
\nviction, that all four of you are in the wrong, and not only in
\nthe wrong, but that it is a shame and a scandal for Jewish
\npeople to conduct themselves in such a manner \u2014 to falsify ac-
\ncounts, perjure yourselves and even act as informers. There-
\nfore I have decided that since we have a Talmud Torah in
\nour town with many children who have neither clothes nor
\nshoes, and whose parents have nothing with which to pay
\ntheir tuition, and since there has been no help at all from you
\ngentlemen (to get a few pennies from you one has to reach
\ndown into your very gizzards) therefore it is my decision that
\nthis hundred rubles of yours shall go to the Talmud Torah,
\nand as for you, gentlemen, you can go home, in good health,
\nand thanks for your contribution. The poor children will now
\nhave some shoes and socks and shirts and pants, and I\u2019m sure
\nthey\u2019ll pray to God for you and your children. Amen.\u201d <\/p>\n

Having heard the sentence, the three old partners \u2014 the
\nTroika \u2014 looked from one to the other \u2014 flushed, unable to
\nspeak. A decision like this they had not anticipated. The only
\none who could say a word was Reb Nachman Lekach. He
\ngot up, patted down his thick eyebrows, held out a hand, and
\nlooking at me with his ironic little eyes, said this: <\/p>\n

\u201cI thank you, Rabbi Rabbiner, in behalf of all four of us,
\nfor the wise decision which you have just made known. Such
\na judgment could have been made by no one since King Sol-
\nomon himself. There is only one thing that you forgot to say,
\nRabbi Rabbiner, and that is: what is your fee for this wise
\nand just decision?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI beg your pardon,\u201d I tell him. \u201cYou\u2019ve come to the
\nwrong address. I am not one of those rabbiners who tax the
\nliving and the dead.\u201d That is the way I answered him, like a
\nreal gentleman. And this was his reply: <\/p>\n

\u201cIf that\u2019s the case, then you are not only a sage and a
\nRabbi among men, you\u2019re an honest man besides. So, if you
\nwould care to listen, I\u2019d like to tell you a story. Say that we
\nwill pay you for your pains at least with a story.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cGood enough. Even with two stories.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cIn that case, sit down, Rabbi Rabbiner, and let us have
\nyour cigarette case. I\u2019ll tell you an interesting story, a true
\none, too, something that happened to me. What happened to
\nothers I don\u2019t like to talk about.\u201d <\/p>\n

And we lit our cigarettes, sat down around the table, and
\nReb Nachman spread out his thick eyebrows, and looking at
\nme with his shrewd, smiling, little eyes, he slowly began to
\ntell his true story of what had once happened to him himself. <\/p>\n

All this happened to me a long time ago. I was still a
\nyoung man and I was living not far from here, in a village
\nnear the railroad. I traded in this and that, I had a small tav-
\nern, made a living. A Rothschild I didn\u2019t become, but bread
\nwe had, and in time there were about ten lewish families liv-
\ning close by \u2014 because, as you know, if one of us makes a liv-
\ning, others come around. They think you\u2019re shoveling up gold
\n. . . But that isn\u2019t the point. What I was getting at was that
\nright in the midst of the busy season one year, when things
\nwere moving and traffic was heavy, my wife had to go and
\nhave a baby \u2014 our boy \u2014 our first son. What do you say to
\nthat? \u201cCongratulations! Congratulations everybody!\u201d But that
\nisn\u2019t all. You have to have a bris, the circumcision. I dropped
\neverything, went into town, bought all the good things I could
\nfind, and came back with the Mohel with all his instruments,
\nand for good measure I also brought the shammes of the
\nsynagogue. I thought that with these two holy men and my-
\nself and the neighbors we\u2019d have the ten men that we needed,
\nwith one to spare. But what does God do? He has one of my
\nneighbors get sick \u2014 he is sick in bed and can\u2019t come to the
\nbris, you can\u2019t carry him. And another has to pack up and go
\noff to the city. He can\u2019t wait another day! And here I am
\nwithout the ten men. Go do something. Here it is \u2014 Friday!
\nOf all days, my wife has to pick Friday to have the bris \u2014 the
\nday before the Sabbath. The Mohel is frantic \u2014 he has to go
\nback right away. The shammes is actually in tears. \u201cWhat did
\nyou ever drag us off here for?\u201d they both want to know. And
\nwhat can I do? <\/p>\n

All I can think of is to run off to the railroad station. Who
\nknows \u2014 so many people come through every day \u2014 maybe
\nGod will send some one. And that\u2019s just what happened. I
\ncome running up to the station \u2014 the agent has just called out
\nthat a train is about to leave. I look around \u2014 a little roly-poly
\nman carrying a huge traveling bag comes flying by, all
\nsweating and out of breath, straight toward the lunch
\ncounter. He looks over the dishes \u2014 what is there a good Jew
\ncan take in a country railroad station? A piece of herring \u2014
\nan egg. Poor fellow \u2014 you could see his mouth was watering.
\nI grab him by the sleeve. \u201cUncle, are you looking for some-
\nthing to eat,\u201d I ask him, and the look he gives me says:
\n\u201cHow did you know that?\u201d I keep on talking: \u201cMay you live
\nto be a hundred \u2014 God himself must have sent you.\u201d He still
\ndoesn\u2019t understand, so I proceed: \u201cDo you want to earn the
\nblessings of eternity \u2014 and at the same time eat a beef roast
\nthat will melt in your mouth, with a fresh, white loaf right
\nout of the oven?\u201d He still looks at me as if I\u2019m crazy. \u201cWho
\nare you? What do you want?\u201d <\/p>\n

So I tell him the whole story \u2014 what a misfortune had over-
\ntaken us: here we are, all ready for the bris, the Mohel is
\nwaiting, the food is ready \u2014 and such food! \u2014 and we need a
\ntenth man! \u201cWhat\u2019s that got to do with me?\u201d he asks, and I
\ntell him : What s that got to do with you? Why \u2014 everything
\ndepends on you\u2014 you\u2019re the tenth man! I beg you \u2014 come
\nwith me. You will earn all the rewards of heaven \u2014 and have
\na delicious dinner in the bargain!\u201d \u201cAre you crazy,\u201d he asks
\nme, \u201cor are you just out of your head? My train is leaving in
\na few minutes, and it\u2019s Friday afternoon \u2014 almost sundown.
\nDo you know what that means? In a few more hours the Sab-
\nbath will catch up with me, and I\u2019ll be stranded.\u201d \u201cSo what!\u201d I tell him. \u201cSo you\u2019ll take the next train. And in the meantime
\nyou\u2019ll earn eternal life \u2014 and taste a soup, with fresh
\ndumplings, that only my wife can make . . .\u201d <\/p>\n

Well, why make the story long? I had my way. The roast
\nand the hot soup with fresh dumplings did their work. You
\ncould see my customer licking his lips. So I grab the traveling
\nbag and I lead him home, and we go through with the bris. It
\nwas a real pleasure! You could smell the roast all over the
\nhouse, it had so much garlic in it. A roast like that, with
\nfresh warm twist, is a delicacy from heaven. And when you
\nconsider that we had some fresh dill pickles, and a bottle of
\nbeer, and some cognac before the meal and cherry cider after
\nthe meal \u2014 you can imagine the state our guest was in! His
\ncheeks shone and his forehead glistened. But what then? Be-
\nfore we knew it the afternoon was gone. My guest jumps up,
\nhe looks around, sees what time it is, and almost has a stroke!
\nHe reaches for his traveling bag: \u201cWhere is it?\u201d I say to him
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s your hurry? In the first place, do you think we\u2019ll let
\nyou run off like that \u2014 before the Sabbath? And in the second
\nplace \u2014 who are you to leave on a journey an hour or two be-
\nfore the Sabbath? And if you\u2019re going to get caught out in
\nthe country somewhere, you might just as well stay here with
\nus.\u201d <\/p>\n

He groans and he sighs. How could I do a thing like that
\nto him \u2014 keep him so late! What did I have against him? Why
\nhadn\u2019t I reminded him earlier? He doesn\u2019t stop bothering me.
\nSo I say to him: \u201cIn the first place, did I have to tell you that
\nit was Friday afternoon? Didn\u2019t you know it yourself? And in
\nthe second place, how do you know \u2014 maybe it\u2019s the way God
\nwanted it? Maybe He wanted you to stay here for the Sab-
\nbath so you could taste some of my wife\u2019s fish? I can guaran-
\ntee you, that as long as you\u2019ve eaten fish, you haven\u2019t eaten
\nfish like my wife\u2019s fish \u2014 not even in a dream!\u201d Well, that
\nended the argument. We said our evening prayers, had a glass
\nof wine, and my wife brings the fish to the table. My guest\u2019s
\nnostrils swell out, a new light shines in his eyes and he goes
\nafter that fish as if he hadn\u2019t eaten a thing all day. He can\u2019t
\nget over it. He praises it to the skies. He fills a glass with
\nbrandy and drinks a toast to the fish. And then comes the
\nsoup, a specially rich Sabbath soup with noodles. And he
\nlikes that, too, and the tzimmes also, and the meat that goes
\nwith the tzimmes, a nice, fat piece of brisket. I\u2019m telling you,
\nhe just sat there licking his fingers! When we\u2019re finishing the
\nlast course he turns to me: \u201cDo you know what I\u2019ll tell you?
\nNow that it\u2019s all over, I\u2019m really glad that I stayed over for
\nShabbes. It\u2019s been a long time since I\u2019ve enjoyed a Sabbath as
\nI\u2019ve enjoyed this one.\u201d \u201cIf that\u2019s how you feel, I\u2019m happy,\u201d I
\ntell him. \u201cBut wait. This is only a sample. Wait till tomorrow.
\nThen you\u2019ll see what my wife can do.\u201d <\/p>\n

And so it was. The next day, after services, we sit down at
\nthe table. Well, you should have seen the spread. First the ap-
\npetizers: crisp wafers and chopped herring, and onions and
\nchicken fat, with radishes and chopped liver and eggs and
\ngribbenes. And after that the cold fish and the meat from
\nyesterday\u2019s tzimmes, and then the jellied neat\u2019s foot, or
\nfisnoga as you call it, with thin slices of garlic, and after that
\nthe potato cholent with the kugel that had been in the oven
\nall night \u2014 and you know what that smells like when you take
\nit out of the oven and take the cover off the pot. And what it
\ntastes like. Our visitor could not find words to praise it. So I
\ntell him: \u201cThis is still nothing. Wait until you have tasted our
\nborsht tonight, then you\u2019ll know what good food is.\u201d At that
\nhe laughs out loud \u2014 a friendly laugh, it is true \u2014 and says to
\nme: \u201cYes, but how far do you think I\u2019ll be from here by the
\ntime your borsht is ready?\u201d So I laugh even louder than he
\ndoes, and say: \u201cYou can forget that right now! Do you think
\nyou\u2019ll be going off tonight?\u201d <\/p>\n

And so it was. As soon as the lights were lit and we had a
\nglass of wine to start off the new week, my friend begins to
\npack his things again. So I call out to him: \u201cAre you crazy?
\nDo you think we\u2019ll let you go off, the Lord knows where, at
\nnight? And besides, where\u2019s your train?\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d he yells at
\nme. \u201cNo train? Why, you\u2019re murdering me! You know I have
\nto leave!\u201d But I say, \u201cMay this be the greatest misfortune in
\nyour life. Your train will come, if all is well, around dawn to-
\nmorrow. In the meantime I hope your appetite and digestion
\nare good, because I can smell the borsht already! All I ask,\u201d I
\nsay, \u201cis just tell me the truth. Tell me if you\u2019ve ever touched
\na borsht like this before. But I want the absolute truth!\u201d
\nWhat\u2019s the use of talking \u2014 he had to admit it: never before
\nin all his life had he tasted a borsht like this. Never. He even
\nstarted to ask how you made the borsht, what you put into it,
\nand how long you cooked it. Everything. And I say: \u201cDon\u2019t
\nworry about that! Here, taste this wine and tell me what you
\nthink of it. After all, you\u2019re an expert. But the truth! Remember \u2014 nothing but the truth! Because if there is anything I
\nhate, it\u2019s flattery . . <\/p>\n

So we took a glass, and then another glass, and we went to
\nbed. And what do you think happened? My traveler
\noverslept, and missed the early morning train. When he
\nwakes up he boils over! He jumps on me like a murderer.
\nWasn\u2019t it up to me, out of fairness and decency, to wake him
\nup in time? Because of me he\u2019s going to have to take a loss, a
\nheavy loss \u2014 he doesn\u2019t even know himself how heavy. It was
\nall my fault. I ruined him. I! … So I let him talk. I listen,
\nquietly, and when he\u2019s all through, I say: \u201cTell me yourself,
\naren\u2019t you a queer sort of person? In the first place, what\u2019s
\nyour hurry? What are you rushing for? How long is a per-
\nson\u2019s life altogether? Does he have to spoil that little with
\nrushing and hurrying? And in the second place, have you for-
\ngotten that today is the third day since the brisl Doesn\u2019t that
\nmean a thing to you? Where we come from, on the third day
\nwe\u2019re in the habit of putting on a feast better than the one at
\nthe bris itself. The third day \u2014 it\u2019s something to celebrate!
\nYou\u2019re not going to spoil the celebration, are you?\u201d <\/p>\n

What can he do? He can\u2019t control himself any more, and
\nhe starts laughing \u2014 a hysterical laugh. \u201cWhat good does it do
\nto talk?\u201d he says. \u201cYou\u2019re a real leech!\u201d \u201clust as you say,\u201d I
\ntell him, \u201cbut after all, you\u2019re a visitor, aren\u2019t you?\u201d <\/p>\n

At the dinner table, after we\u2019ve had a drink or two, I call
\nout to him: \u201cLook,\u201d I say, \u201cit may not be proper \u2014 after all,
\nwe\u2019re Jews \u2014 to talk about milk and such things while we\u2019re
\neating meat, but I\u2019d like to know your honest opinion: what
\ndo you think of kreplach with cheese?\u201d He looks at me with
\ndistrust. \u201cHow did we get around to that?\u201d he asks. \u201cJust like
\nthis,\u201d I explain to him. \u201cI\u2019d like to have you try the cheese
\nkreplach that my wife makes \u2014 because tonight, you see,
\nwe\u2019re going to have a dairy supper . . .\u201d This is too much for
\nhim, and he comes right back at me with, \u201cNot this time!
\nYou\u2019re trying to keep me here another day, I can see that.
\nBut you can\u2019t do it. It isn\u2019t right! It isn\u2019t right!\u201d And from the
\nway he fusses and fumes it\u2019s easy to see that I won\u2019t have to
\ncoax him too long, or fight with him either, because what is
\nhe but a man with an appetite, who has only one philosophy,
\nwhich he practices at the table? So I say this to him: \u201cI give
\nyou my word of honor, and if that isn\u2019t enough, I\u2019ll give you
\nmy hand as well \u2014 here, shake \u2014 that tomorrow I\u2019ll wake you
\nup in time for the earliest train. I promise it, even if the world turns upside down. If I don\u2019t, may I \u2014 you know
\nwhat!\u201d At this he softens and says to me: \u201cRemember, we\u2019re
\nshaking hands on that!\u201d And I: \u201cA promise is a promise.\u201d
\nAnd my wife makes a dairy supper \u2014 how can I describe it to
\nyou? With such kreplach that my traveler has to admit that it
\nwas all true: he has a wife too, and she makes kreplach too,
\nbut how can you compare hers with these? It\u2019s like night and
\nday! <\/p>\n

And I kept my word, because a promise is a promise. I
\nwoke him when it was still dark, and started the samovar. He
\nfinished packing and began to say goodbye to me and the rest
\nof the household in a very handsome, friendly style. You
\ncould see he was a gentleman. But I interrupt him: \u201cWe\u2019ll
\nsay goodbye a little later. First, we have to settle up.\u201d \u201cWhat
\ndo you mean \u2014 settle up?\u201d \u201cSettle up,\u201d I say, \u201cmeans to add
\nup the figures. That\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do now. I\u2019ll add them
\nup, let you know what it comes to, and you will be so kind as
\nto pay me.\u201d <\/p>\n

His face flames red. \u201cPay you?\u201d he shouts. \u201cPay you for
\nwhat?\u201d \u201cFor what?\u201d I repeat. \u201cYou want to know for what?
\nFor everything. The food, the drink, the lodging.\u201d This time
\nhe becomes white \u2014 not red \u2014 and he says to me: \u201cI don\u2019t un-
\nderstand you at all. You came and invited me to the bris.
\nYou stopped me at the train. You took my bag away from
\nme. You promised me eternal life.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d I inter-
\nrupt him. \u201cThat\u2019s right. But what\u2019s one thing got to do with
\nthe other? When you came to the bris you earned your re-
\nward in heaven. But food and drink and lodging \u2014 do I have
\nto give you these things for nothing? After all, you\u2019re a
\nbusinessman, aren\u2019t you? You should understand that fish
\ncosts money, and that the wine you drank was the very best,
\nand the beer, too, and the cherry cider. And you remember
\nhow you praised the tzimmes and the puddings and the
\nborsht. You remember how you licked your fingers. And the
\ncheese kreplach smelled pretty good to you, too. Now, I\u2019m
\nglad you enjoyed these things: I don\u2019t begrudge you that in
\nthe least. But certainly you wouldn\u2019t expect that just because
\nyou earned a reward in heaven, and enjoyed yourself in the
\nbargain, that \/ should pay for it?\u201d My traveling friepd was
\nreally sweating; he looked as if he\u2019d have a stroke. He began
\nto throw himself around, yell, scream, call for help. \u201cThis is
\nSodom!\u201d he cried. \u201cWorse than Sodom! It\u2019s the worst outrage
\nthe world has ever heard of! How much do you want?\u201d Calmly I took a piece of paper and a pencil and began to
\nadd it up. I itemized everything, I gave him an inventory of
\neverything he ate, of every hour he spent in my place. All in
\nall it added up to something like thirty-odd rubles and some
\nkopeks \u2014 I don\u2019t remember it exactly. <\/p>\n

When he saw the total, my good man went green and yel-
\nlow, his hands shook, and his eyes almost popped out, and
\nagain he let out a yell, louder than before. \u201cWhat did I fall
\ninto\u2014 a nest of thieves? Isn\u2019t there a single human being
\nhere? Is there a God anywhere?\u201d So I say to him, \u201cLook, sir,
\ndo you know what? Do you know what you\u2019re yelling about?
\nDo you have to eat your heart out? Here is my suggestion:
\nlet\u2019s ride into town together \u2014 it\u2019s not far from here \u2014 and
\nwe\u2019ll find some people \u2014 there\u2019s a rabbiner there \u2014 let\u2019s ask the
\nrabbi. And we\u2019ll abide by what he says.\u201d When he heard me
\ntalk like that, he quieted down a little. And \u2014 don\u2019t worry \u2014
\nwe hired a horse and wagon, climbed in, and rode off to
\ntown, the two of us, and went straight to the rabbi. <\/p>\n

When we got to the rabbi\u2019s house, we found him just fin-
\nishing his morning prayers. He folded up his prayer shawl
\nand put his phylacteries away. \u201cGood morning,\u201d we said to
\nhim, and he: \u201cWhat\u2019s the news today?\u201d The news? My friend
\ntears loose and lets him have the whole story \u2014 everything
\nfrom A to Z. He doesn\u2019t leave a word out. He tells how he
\nstopped at the station, and so on and so on, and when he\u2019s
\nthrough he whips out the bill I had given him and hands it to
\nthe rabbi. And when the rabbi had heard everything, he says:
\n\u201cHaving heard one side I should now like to hear the other.\u201d
\nAnd turning to me, he asks, \u201cWhat do you have to say to all
\nthat?*\u2019 I answer: \u201cEverything he says is true. There\u2019s not a
\nword I can add. Only one thing I\u2019d like to have him tell
\nyou \u2014 on his word of honor: did he eat the fish, and did he
\ndrink the beer and cognac and the cider, and did he smack
\nhis lips over the borsht that my wife made?\u201d At this the man
\nbecomes almost frantic, he jumps and he thrashes about like
\nan apoplectic. The rabbi begs him not to boil like that, not to
\nbe so angry, because anger is a grave sin. And he asks him
\nagain about the fish and the borsht and the kreplach, and if it
\nwas true that he had drunk not only the wine, but beer and
\ncognac and cider as well. Then the rabbi puts on his specta-
\ncles, looks the bill over from top to bottom, checks every
\nline, and finds it correct! Thirty-odd rubles and some kopeks,
\nand he makes his judgment brief: he tells the man to pay the whole thing, and for the wagon back and forth, and a
\njudgment fee for the rabbi himself <\/p>\n

The man stumbles out of the rabbi\u2019s house looking as if
\nhe d been in a steam bath too long, takes out his purse, pulls
\nout two twenty-fives and snaps at me: \u201cGive me the change.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat change?\u201d I ask, and he says: \u201cFor the thirty you
\ncharged me \u2014 for that bill you gave me.\u201d \u201cBill? What bill?
\nWhat thirty are you talking about? What do you think I am,
\na highwayman? Do you expect me to take money from you?
\nI see a man at the railroad station, a total stranger; I take his
\nbag away from him, and drag him off almost by force to our
\novra bris, and spend a wonderful Shabbes with him. So am I
\ngoing to charge him for the favor he did me, and for the
\npleasure I had?\u201d Now he looks at me as if I really am crazy,
\nand says: \u201cThen why did you carry on like this? Why did
\nyou drag me to the rabbi?\u201d \u201cWhy this? Why that?\u201d I say to
\nhim. \u201cYou\u2019re a queer sort of person, you are! I wanted to
\nshow you what kind of man our rabbi was, that\u2019s all . . <\/p>\n

When he finished the story, my litigant, Reb Nachman
\nLekach, got up with a flourish, and the other three partners
\nfollowed him. They buttoned their coats and prepared to
\nleave. But I held them off. I passed the cigarettes around
\nagain, and said to the story-teller: <\/p>\n

So you told me a story about a rabbi. Now maybe you\u2019ll
\nbe so kind as to let me tell you a story \u2014 also about a rabbi,
\nbut a much shorter story than the one you told.\u201d <\/p>\n

And without waiting for a yes or no, I started right in, and
\nmade it brief: <\/p>\n

This happened, I began, not so long ago, and in a large
\ncity, on Yom Kippur eve. A stranger falls into the town \u2014 a
\nbusinessman, a traveler, who goes here and there, every-
\nwhere, sells merchandise, collects money … On this day he
\ncomes into the city, walks up and down in front of the
\nsynagogue, holding his sides with both hands, asks everybody
\nhe sees where he can find the rabbi. \u201cWhat do you want the
\nrabbi for?\u201d people ask. \u201cWhat business is that of yours?\u201d he
\nwants to know. So they don\u2019t tell him. And he asks one man,
\nhe asks another: \u201cCan you tell me where the rabbi lives?\u201d
\n\u201cWhat do you want the rabbi for?\u201d \u201cWhat do you care?\u201d
\nThis one and that one, till finally he gets the answer, finds the
\nrabbi\u2019s house, goes in, still holding his sides with both hands.
\nHe calls the rabbi aside, shuts the door, and says, \u201cRabbi, this
\nis my story. I am a traveling man, and I have money with
\nme, quite a pile. It\u2019s not my money. It belongs to my
\nclients \u2014 first to God and then to my clients. It\u2019s Yom Kippur
\neve. I can\u2019t carry money with me on Yom Kippur, and I\u2019m
\nafraid to leave it at my lodgings. A sum like that! So do me a
\nfavor \u2014 take it, put it away in your strong box till tomorrow
\nnight, after Yom Kippur.\u201d <\/p>\n

And without waiting, the man unbuttons his vest and
\ndraws out one pack after another, crisp and clean, the real
\nred, crackling, hundred ruble notes! <\/p>\n

Seeing how much there was, the rabbi said to him: \u201cI beg
\nyour pardon. You don\u2019t know me, you don\u2019t know who I
\nam.\u201d \u201cWhat do you mean, I don\u2019t know who you are? You\u2019re
\na rabbi, aren\u2019t you?\u201d \u201cYes, I\u2019m a rabbi. But I don\u2019t know
\nyou \u2014 who you are or what you are.\u201d They bargain back and
\nforth. The traveler: \u201cYou\u2019re a rabbi.\u201d The rabbi: \u201cI don\u2019t
\nknow who you are.\u201d And time does not stand still. It\u2019s almost
\nYom Kippur ! Finally the rabbi agrees to take the money. The
\nonly thing is, who should be the witnesses? You can\u2019t trust
\njust anyone in a matter like that. <\/p>\n

So the rabbi sends for the leading townspeople, the very
\ncream, rich and respectable citizens, and says to them: \u201cThis
\nis what I called you for. This man has money with him, a
\ntidy sum, not his own, but first God\u2019s and then his clients\u2019.
\nHe wants me to keep it for him till after Yom Kippur. There-
\nfore I want you to be witnesses, to see how much he leaves
\nwith me, so that later \u2014 you understand?\u201d And the rabbi took
\nthe trouble to count it all over three times before the eyes of
\nthe townspeople, wrapped the notes in a kerchief, sealed
\nthe kerchief with wax, and stamped his initials on the seal.
\nHe passed this from one man to the other, saying, \u201cNow
\nlook. Here is my signature, and remember, you\u2019re the
\nwitnesses.\u201d The kerchief with the money in it he handed over
\nto his wife, had her lock it in a chest, and hide the keys
\nwhere no one could find them. And he himself, the rabbi,
\nwent to shut, and prayed and fasted as it was ordained, lived
\nthrough Yom Kippur, came home, had a bite to eat, looked
\nup, and there was the traveler. \u201cGood evening, Rabbi.\u201d
\n\u201cGood evening. Sit down. What can I do for you?\u201d
\n\u201cNothing. I came for my package.\u201d \u201cWhat package?\u201d \u201cThe
\nmoney.\u201d \u201cWhat money?\u201d \u201cThe money I left with you to keep for me.\u201d \u201cYou gave me money to keep for you? When was
\nthat?\u201d <\/p>\n

The traveler laughs out loud. He thinks the rabbi is joking
\nwith him. The rabbi asks: \u201cWhat are you laughing at?\u201d And
\nthe man says: \u201cIt\u2019s the first time I met a rabbi who liked to
\nplay tricks.\u201d At this the rabbi is insulted. No one, he pointed
\nout, had ever called him a trickster before. \u201cTell me, my
\ngood man, what do you want here?\u201d <\/p>\n

When he heard these words, the stranger felt his heart stop.
\n\u201cWhy, Rabbi, in the name of all that\u2019s holy, do you want to
\nkill me? Didn\u2019t I give you all my money? That is, not mine,
\nbut first God\u2019s and then my clients\u2019? I\u2019ll remind you, you
\nwrapped it in a kerchief, sealed it with wax, locked it in your
\nwife\u2019s chest, hid the key where no one could find it. And here
\nis better proof: there were witnesses, the leading citizens of
\nthe city!\u201d And he goes ahead and calls them all off by name.
\nIn the midst of it a cold sweat breaks out on his forehead, he
\nfeels faint, and asks for a glass of water. <\/p>\n

The rabbi sends the shammes off to the men the traveler
\nhad named \u2014 the leading citizens, the flower of the commu-
\nnity. They come running from all directions. \u201cWhat\u2019s the
\nmatter? What happened?\u201d \u201cA misfortune. A plot! A millstone
\naround our necks I He insists that he brought a pile of money
\nto me yesterday, to keep over Yom Kip pur, and that you
\nwere witnesses to the act.\u201d <\/p>\n

The householders look at each other, as if to say: \u201cHere is
\nwhere we get a nice bone to lick!\u201d And they fall on the trav-
\neler: how could he do a thing like that? He ought to be
\nashamed of himself! Thinking up an ugly plot like that
\nagainst our rabbil <\/p>\n

When he saw what was happening, his arms and legs went
\nlimp, he just about fainted. But the rabbi got up, went to the
\nchest, took out the kerchief and handed it to him. <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you! Here! Here is your money!
\nTake it and count it, see if it\u2019s right, here in front of your
\nwitnesses. The seal, as you see, is untouched. The wax is
\nwhole, just as it ought to be.\u201d <\/p>\n

The traveler felt as if a new soul had been installed in his
\nbody. His hands trembled and tears stood in his eyes. <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did you have to do it, Rabbi? Why did you have to
\nplay this trick on me? A trick like this.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI just wanted to show you \u2014 the kind \u2014 of \u2014 leading citizens \u2014 we have in our town.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Torah Talk resumes today after the Yom Kippur holiday and just before the beginning of the Sukkot festival. Watch live. * Camille Paglia on homosexuality. * I was reading Shalom Aleichem stories over Yom Kippur. In “A Yom Kippur Scandal,” … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[590],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-117801","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-torah"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117801","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=117801"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117801\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":150289,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117801\/revisions\/150289"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=117801"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=117801"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=117801"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}