{"id":102231,"date":"2016-07-24T15:50:03","date_gmt":"2016-07-24T23:50:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=102231"},"modified":"2016-07-24T17:12:55","modified_gmt":"2016-07-25T01:12:55","slug":"fear-fades-with-repitition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=102231","title":{"rendered":"‘Fear Fades With Repetition’"},"content":{"rendered":"

In talk 50 of the Beginners Talks at Underearners Anonymous<\/a>, the founder of the program, Andrew says:<\/p>\n

* Underearning is a disease of hiding. In terms of visibility, fear fades with prayer. Fear fades with action. Fear fades with repetition.<\/p>\n

* For many years, I went through attempts to have a better life. At age 16, I had my first go round with magical thinking. I was thinking about being a photographer, a professional guitarist, and I couldn’t commit to preparing myself. I couldn’t commit to doing the work. Success and failure have one word in common — process. <\/p>\n

* I had no idea how sick I was. I had no idea how much of an addict I was. Most people I know in recovery are multiply-addicted people. Three or four fellowships is the norm. <\/p>\n

* I remember going to a Broadway play and I said to the guitar player and said, ‘I would like to sub for you.’ Who would go into a Broadway pit and say they would like to sub unless they could do it? But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have the sanity to know what was required to do that. Why did I go? Because I was sick and I didn’t care. One of the things about underearners is that we don’t really care about serving the community. We don’t equip ourselves to want to do a good job. Why? Because we’re sick. I just wanted to be in the cave. This is a disease of experiential isolation, where I choose to hide in a substandard life because I am under the illusion that I am being safe. <\/p>\n

For many years, I would go from one vision to another. Whether it was studying guitar or studying acting or writing or comedy, I didn’t know that I was under the bondage of self. This manifested itself a total cutoff of energy for anything my soul wanted to do. <\/p>\n

The disease of underearning will not tolerate visibility, risk, criticism, praise.<\/p>\n

I had a desire to do voiceovers. I got hired for my first voiceover and I looked in the control room and one of the guys was shaking his head, as they often do, and I couldn’t tolerate being visible. I got my first check and never did a voiceover again. <\/p>\n

Over and over again for 20 years, the energy for the vision was cut off like electricity for a house. The energy goes and you don’t know why and you don’t care why because I was deep in this addiction.<\/p>\n

I would always try to spin relatives. I would BS. But all I wanted to do was hide. The disease would always cut off the energy for my vision…and the visions I had were always blurry. <\/p>\n

I was powerless over this cutoff of energy, just like an alcoholic is powerless over alcohol. <\/p>\n

I learned to come up with excuses. All I wanted to do was go home and I didn’t know why I was terrified of visibility. <\/p>\n

We have five character defects — fear, self-seeking, selfishness, inconsideration and dishonesty. We have three healthy instincts — social, sexual and survival. Those five defects will trample on those three instincts over and over again. <\/p>\n

My character defects were part of my childhood. I could not control them but I was responsible for them. <\/p>\n

I worked the 12 Steps. I was able to get the fog out of my head so that I was able to commit to time accountability with my action partner. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In talk 50 of the Beginners Talks at Underearners Anonymous, the founder of the program, Andrew says: * Underearning is a disease of hiding. In terms of visibility, fear fades with prayer. Fear fades with action. Fear fades with repetition. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26369],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-102231","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-addiction"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t