From my live cam chat: ‘Torah immutable — Luke not so much’

From my live cam (with sound!):

I am announcing my candidacy for U.S. Senate in 2010 for the Republican nomination to take Barbara Boxer’s seat.

Nicoletista: What was the torah portion for the week "lost in love" came out?

guest57:  ok i am dumb   what does immutable mean
guest57:  big words
guest58:  this is all confusing stuff
guest56:   hell ea
guest56:  yea
User guest59 entered the room.
guest58:  oh god
guest56:    i have no sound
guest58:  another nutcase
guest57:  better keep your day job
guest56:     give him a chance
guest56:   his idea on relegion no worse than all the others
guest57:  relegion   another big word
guest56:   i say relegions i mean buisness’s
guest56:   lol
guest47:  i lost sound too
guest56:    poor u
guest57:  your lucky
guest56:  lol
guest57:  he was singing
guest56:   i think he is trying to hyponotze me with the zooming cam and  messages
guest56:   i cant pell
guest56:  spell
guest56:  f**k im off
guest47:  yeah, that made me wonder whether graham russell or russell hitchc**k was the moral leader of air supply
guest57:  be  back later
guest57:  bye
guest47:  love the nanny for hithc**k
guest47:  or were the just two aspects of one guy called russell
rward to the run
rum:  so where’s the tellifin? I want to see you sitting there with a square box on your head?
YourMoralLeader:  put ’em on already
YourMoralLeader:  you’re late
rum:  damn…any Jewess’ about
YourMoralLeader:  but welcome
YourMoralLeader:  together we can change the world
nicolletista:  the guy’s got his kippah on
User watchingyoublog left the room.
nicolletista:  luke "as frum as they come" ford
rum:  together we can change the world…I don’t want to change the world..I want the stock market improve…can we do that together
YourMoralLeader:  let us pray
User guest68 entered the room.
User guest69 entered the room.
YourMoralLeader:  gawd, that whiskey’s good
nicolletista:  he’s even wearing black
guest69:   are you a cult leader
nicolletista:  he btter be==that’s why i’m here
guest69:  me 2
rum:  yeah! He’s Morey Manson
guest69:   lets buy some land start a new relegion
guest70:  how sensitive is the sound here?  Can I hear your toilet flush like on your old internet radio show?
YourMoralLeader:  not sure
guest69:  thats was my toiley
YourMoralLeader:  i’m starting a cult
guest69:  toliet
guest70:  Please give me a test flush.  Thanks
YourMoralLeader:  this is the beginning of the ultimate redemption
nicolletista:  yay! i’ve been looking all over the internet for it!
guest69:   ill join your cult but i aint having sex with u
YourMoralLeader:  NP
YourMoralLeader:  not q requirement
guest69:   lol
YourMoralLeader:  just a 10% tithe
guest69:   mmmm i dunno
guest70:  Is that one of your Howard Hughes jars that you’re swilling from?  Gross!
User nicolletista left the room.
guest72:  He needs a shave and a wash lol
User nicolletista entered the room.
guest69:  wb
User guest71 left the room.
guest70:  Shall we start a shampoo drive for this pooor soul?
User guest72 left the room.
guest69:   lol
rum:  Luke I think you look better with the beard…covers up the jowls
User guest73 entered the room.
User nicolletista left the room.
guest69:   maybe his source of power
User nicolletista entered the room.
guest69:  ffs nicollestisita stay still
guest70:  Are you moisturizin
User guest74 entered the room.
YourMoralLeader:  yeah, nose raw
nicolletista:  sorry, keep loing stream
guest69:  lol
guest70:  Raw nose from??? 
User guest74 left the room.
User guest75 entered the room.
YourMoralLeader:  nasty cold
guest73:  do you have a cold?
nicolletista:  the authoritative australian accent is completely necessary to preserve svengali-like power
guest73:  ohhh poor you
guest70:  Male to female oral sex would clear that nose thing up pronoto.
guest73:  🙂
nicolletista:  can’t be a proper cult leader or torah guy wihtout PRESENCE
guest69:     id like to grow potatoes for the cult
YourMoralLeader:  k
guest70:  How do you generate sheckles with your shut in life style
nicolletista:  i call luke the kurrikurriner rebbe
rum:  Luke, do you shower everyday?
guest69:   i want t be called  skywalker
nicolletista:  well he’s already luke
guest70:  I am nervous.  You place your hand in your lap for a few minutes then pull it up and rub white stuff on your face.  This is weird.
rum:  the beard looks good but the hair needs a trim
guest69:   ok  jedi  then
rum:  where are the Jewess’
rum:  there should be Jewess’  at least one
guest70:  Is it true you are a shut-in due to those Cealis three day boners? 
guest70:  Cargo shorts could diguise your arrousal.
rum:  Luke should call his Dr with a boner lasting more than four days
guest70:  Call the Guiness book!
rum:  I took the stuff once and I’m still waiting for a four minute boner…I went back to Viagara
rum:  my sound went off…it’s like a silent movie again
vodka:  if he starts picking   im outa here
guest70:  I don’t hear any Air Supply tunes.  My sound must have cut, too.
rum:  Luke this will eventually become boring (sooner than later) I think you should have gyests to liven things up a bit.
rum:  guests
guest70:  Maybe your social worker could guest?
YourMoralLeader:  i luv u all
nicolletista:  narcissism more easily fed without guests
rum:  where’s Jimmy D..he was always good for a few laughs
guest70:  Rumors say you’ve swelled to 300+ pounds.  Stand and show your tummy!
User vodka changed their name to jimmyd.
jimmyd:  is that better
guest70:  Do it, fatty!
rum:  great idea…ask Air Supply tio guest…in between the few gigs they manage to get..I’m sure they’d jump at the opportunity..One Aussie to another as it were.
jimmyd:  yes    do it
User jimmyd changed their name to jim.
User guest80 entered the room.
jim:  put some babes on    this is boring
rum:  OY!
jim:  dam     what was that
guest70:  That killed my four day boner ……
YourMoralLeader:  shall i pull out my gun
YourMoralLeader:  ?
rum:  Moral Leader has soft gut
guest70:  Gun is a metaphor for penis, right?
jim:  its a snub nose    my bet
nicolletista:  you could as questions like, what was the torah portion for the week "lost in love" came out?
User guest81 left the room.
guest70:  What is that flatulent sound I keep hearing?
rum:  Kenda jade, your old flame should GUEST and shake her booty like she used to do on Howard Stern
rum:  that’s Luke
rum:  I hear it too…I think the show was better without sound
guest70:  Luke is too passive.  He is to entertain us not vice versa.
guest70:  Hair line looks a little thin there.
nicolletista:  luke we are such a fascinating community that you might never get any work done
rum:  Luke has about six people on…about the same number that bought his books
jim:  true    lets go on strike   untill he gets funny
guest70:  Luke and work in the same sentence.  You don’t see that everyday.
rum:  It’s work wrapping his head with tellifin
guest70:  Can you offer life advice to other obese shut-ins like myself?
rum:  and me
nicolletista:  so are you saying he shouldn’t so it on shabbat?
jim:  i can      go outside      lazy ass
rum:  Jesus Christ…what a cough. Do you have TB?
guest70:  You sound unwell.  Is the vegetarian lifestyle really that healthy?
YourMoralLeader:  the c**ktail helps my immuno deficiency syndrome
guest70:  You are a poor spokesmodle for PETA
jim:  atleast cover your mouth     im getting all the spray
rum:  sounds like Doc Holliday in that Wyatt Earp movie
guest70:  Just more secretions to rub on his beard
jim:  he was coughing blood   thou
rum:  more farting noises…what a show…coughing farting and no Jewess’…this show should be canceleld
rum:  not even a porno chick in sight
guest70:  Death row inmates have it better that is true
rum:  hahaaaaaaaa
guest70:  Again swilling from the urine jar.
jim:  is that urine
rum:  is he drinking rice milk?
rum:  yellow rice milk
guest70:  Ghandi drank his own urine.  Why not, Luke?
jim:  creem of some young guy    soup
guest70:  Is he drilling?
guest70:  Yes, he is!
guest70:  Gross!
rum:  extremly
User guest83 entered the room.
jim:  lol     great spot for the cam to be frooze in
User guest83 left the room.
guest70:  Maybe we should switch to the Gekko cam.  More enlightening I bet.
rum:  have you ever heard of any woman staying over the hovel more than one night?
guest70:  Roofies only last 12 hours
rum:  the flatuance, gargling, coughing, mouth guard, leg braces…soon he’ll be getting chicks the wayne Gacey way
guest70:  Does the yarmulke conceal your balding paite?
guest70:  I would like the authories to inspect the crawl space beneath the hovel.
rum:  Rememebr the old Wayne Gacey joke…"what’s the temperature in Wayne Gacey’s house? 23 below"
YourMoralLeader:  How can I make money from this webcam?
YourMoralLeader:  Should I go subscription model?
guest70:  I don’t see any value to this aside from making my life look interesting.
rum:  make money? change the name to General Hospital
nicolletista:  yes, you could give me $3.99 to watch uit
YourMoralLeader:  maybe you’re not spiritual enough to appreciate what I’m giving you
rum:  I think you’re right…
nicolletista:  luke i am offering you my love and respect
jim:  whatever    im bored and   im outa here
nicolletista:  $3.99/month
YourMoralLeader:  thank you, how about your body too?
guest70:  why don’t you update your site anymore?  I mean how hard is it to cut and paste?  You are lazy!
rum:  I don’t want to catch what you got…glad I’m here on the other side of the screen
YourMoralLeader:  lukeford.net is my site, no longer lukeisback
guest70:  OK then.  So you have no income now.  How smart was that?
YourMoralLeader:  hmm
guest70:  Has it been seven years since your last bankruptcy?  Is that what made you so c**ky as to sell your golden goose?
rum:  sell the Jewish site start a new porno site The Real Luke is Back..wait a month sell that one too…

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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