From my live cam chat: ‘Torah immutable — Luke not so much’

From my live cam (with sound!):

I am announcing my candidacy for U.S. Senate in 2010 for the Republican nomination to take Barbara Boxer’s seat.

Nicoletista: What was the torah portion for the week "lost in love" came out?

guest57:  ok i am dumb   what does immutable mean
guest57:  big words
guest58:  this is all confusing stuff
guest56:   hell ea
guest56:  yea
User guest59 entered the room.
guest58:  oh god
guest56:    i have no sound
guest58:  another nutcase
guest57:  better keep your day job
guest56:     give him a chance
guest56:   his idea on relegion no worse than all the others
guest57:  relegion   another big word
guest56:   i say relegions i mean buisness’s
guest56:   lol
guest47:  i lost sound too
guest56:    poor u
guest57:  your lucky
guest56:  lol
guest57:  he was singing
guest56:   i think he is trying to hyponotze me with the zooming cam and  messages
guest56:   i cant pell
guest56:  spell
guest56:  f**k im off
guest47:  yeah, that made me wonder whether graham russell or russell hitchc**k was the moral leader of air supply
guest57:  be  back later
guest57:  bye
guest47:  love the nanny for hithc**k
guest47:  or were the just two aspects of one guy called russell
rward to the run
rum:  so where’s the tellifin? I want to see you sitting there with a square box on your head?
YourMoralLeader:  put ’em on already
YourMoralLeader:  you’re late
rum:  damn…any Jewess’ about
YourMoralLeader:  but welcome
YourMoralLeader:  together we can change the world
nicolletista:  the guy’s got his kippah on
User watchingyoublog left the room.
nicolletista:  luke "as frum as they come" ford
rum:  together we can change the world…I don’t want to change the world..I want the stock market improve…can we do that together
YourMoralLeader:  let us pray
User guest68 entered the room.
User guest69 entered the room.
YourMoralLeader:  gawd, that whiskey’s good
nicolletista:  he’s even wearing black
guest69:   are you a cult leader
nicolletista:  he btter be==that’s why i’m here
guest69:  me 2
rum:  yeah! He’s Morey Manson
guest69:   lets buy some land start a new relegion
guest70:  how sensitive is the sound here?  Can I hear your toilet flush like on your old internet radio show?
YourMoralLeader:  not sure
guest69:  thats was my toiley
YourMoralLeader:  i’m starting a cult
guest69:  toliet
guest70:  Please give me a test flush.  Thanks
YourMoralLeader:  this is the beginning of the ultimate redemption
nicolletista:  yay! i’ve been looking all over the internet for it!
guest69:   ill join your cult but i aint having sex with u
YourMoralLeader:  NP
YourMoralLeader:  not q requirement
guest69:   lol
YourMoralLeader:  just a 10% tithe
guest69:   mmmm i dunno
guest70:  Is that one of your Howard Hughes jars that you’re swilling from?  Gross!
User nicolletista left the room.
guest72:  He needs a shave and a wash lol
User nicolletista entered the room.
guest69:  wb
User guest71 left the room.
guest70:  Shall we start a shampoo drive for this pooor soul?
User guest72 left the room.
guest69:   lol
rum:  Luke I think you look better with the beard…covers up the jowls
User guest73 entered the room.
User nicolletista left the room.
guest69:   maybe his source of power
User nicolletista entered the room.
guest69:  ffs nicollestisita stay still
guest70:  Are you moisturizin
User guest74 entered the room.
YourMoralLeader:  yeah, nose raw
nicolletista:  sorry, keep loing stream
guest69:  lol
guest70:  Raw nose from??? 
User guest74 left the room.
User guest75 entered the room.
YourMoralLeader:  nasty cold
guest73:  do you have a cold?
nicolletista:  the authoritative australian accent is completely necessary to preserve svengali-like power
guest73:  ohhh poor you
guest70:  Male to female oral sex would clear that nose thing up pronoto.
guest73:  🙂
nicolletista:  can’t be a proper cult leader or torah guy wihtout PRESENCE
guest69:     id like to grow potatoes for the cult
YourMoralLeader:  k
guest70:  How do you generate sheckles with your shut in life style
nicolletista:  i call luke the kurrikurriner rebbe
rum:  Luke, do you shower everyday?
guest69:   i want t be called  skywalker
nicolletista:  well he’s already luke
guest70:  I am nervous.  You place your hand in your lap for a few minutes then pull it up and rub white stuff on your face.  This is weird.
rum:  the beard looks good but the hair needs a trim
guest69:   ok  jedi  then
rum:  where are the Jewess’
rum:  there should be Jewess’  at least one
guest70:  Is it true you are a shut-in due to those Cealis three day boners? 
guest70:  Cargo shorts could diguise your arrousal.
rum:  Luke should call his Dr with a boner lasting more than four days
guest70:  Call the Guiness book!
rum:  I took the stuff once and I’m still waiting for a four minute boner…I went back to Viagara
rum:  my sound went off…it’s like a silent movie again
vodka:  if he starts picking   im outa here
guest70:  I don’t hear any Air Supply tunes.  My sound must have cut, too.
rum:  Luke this will eventually become boring (sooner than later) I think you should have gyests to liven things up a bit.
rum:  guests
guest70:  Maybe your social worker could guest?
YourMoralLeader:  i luv u all
nicolletista:  narcissism more easily fed without guests
rum:  where’s Jimmy D..he was always good for a few laughs
guest70:  Rumors say you’ve swelled to 300+ pounds.  Stand and show your tummy!
User vodka changed their name to jimmyd.
jimmyd:  is that better
guest70:  Do it, fatty!
rum:  great idea…ask Air Supply tio guest…in between the few gigs they manage to get..I’m sure they’d jump at the opportunity..One Aussie to another as it were.
jimmyd:  yes    do it
User jimmyd changed their name to jim.
User guest80 entered the room.
jim:  put some babes on    this is boring
rum:  OY!
jim:  dam     what was that
guest70:  That killed my four day boner ……
YourMoralLeader:  shall i pull out my gun
YourMoralLeader:  ?
rum:  Moral Leader has soft gut
guest70:  Gun is a metaphor for penis, right?
jim:  its a snub nose    my bet
nicolletista:  you could as questions like, what was the torah portion for the week "lost in love" came out?
User guest81 left the room.
guest70:  What is that flatulent sound I keep hearing?
rum:  Kenda jade, your old flame should GUEST and shake her booty like she used to do on Howard Stern
rum:  that’s Luke
rum:  I hear it too…I think the show was better without sound
guest70:  Luke is too passive.  He is to entertain us not vice versa.
guest70:  Hair line looks a little thin there.
nicolletista:  luke we are such a fascinating community that you might never get any work done
rum:  Luke has about six people on…about the same number that bought his books
jim:  true    lets go on strike   untill he gets funny
guest70:  Luke and work in the same sentence.  You don’t see that everyday.
rum:  It’s work wrapping his head with tellifin
guest70:  Can you offer life advice to other obese shut-ins like myself?
rum:  and me
nicolletista:  so are you saying he shouldn’t so it on shabbat?
jim:  i can      go outside      lazy ass
rum:  Jesus Christ…what a cough. Do you have TB?
guest70:  You sound unwell.  Is the vegetarian lifestyle really that healthy?
YourMoralLeader:  the c**ktail helps my immuno deficiency syndrome
guest70:  You are a poor spokesmodle for PETA
jim:  atleast cover your mouth     im getting all the spray
rum:  sounds like Doc Holliday in that Wyatt Earp movie
guest70:  Just more secretions to rub on his beard
jim:  he was coughing blood   thou
rum:  more farting noises…what a show…coughing farting and no Jewess’…this show should be canceleld
rum:  not even a porno chick in sight
guest70:  Death row inmates have it better that is true
rum:  hahaaaaaaaa
guest70:  Again swilling from the urine jar.
jim:  is that urine
rum:  is he drinking rice milk?
rum:  yellow rice milk
guest70:  Ghandi drank his own urine.  Why not, Luke?
jim:  creem of some young guy    soup
guest70:  Is he drilling?
guest70:  Yes, he is!
guest70:  Gross!
rum:  extremly
User guest83 entered the room.
jim:  lol     great spot for the cam to be frooze in
User guest83 left the room.
guest70:  Maybe we should switch to the Gekko cam.  More enlightening I bet.
rum:  have you ever heard of any woman staying over the hovel more than one night?
guest70:  Roofies only last 12 hours
rum:  the flatuance, gargling, coughing, mouth guard, leg braces…soon he’ll be getting chicks the wayne Gacey way
guest70:  Does the yarmulke conceal your balding paite?
guest70:  I would like the authories to inspect the crawl space beneath the hovel.
rum:  Rememebr the old Wayne Gacey joke…"what’s the temperature in Wayne Gacey’s house? 23 below"
YourMoralLeader:  How can I make money from this webcam?
YourMoralLeader:  Should I go subscription model?
guest70:  I don’t see any value to this aside from making my life look interesting.
rum:  make money? change the name to General Hospital
nicolletista:  yes, you could give me $3.99 to watch uit
YourMoralLeader:  maybe you’re not spiritual enough to appreciate what I’m giving you
rum:  I think you’re right…
nicolletista:  luke i am offering you my love and respect
jim:  whatever    im bored and   im outa here
nicolletista:  $3.99/month
YourMoralLeader:  thank you, how about your body too?
guest70:  why don’t you update your site anymore?  I mean how hard is it to cut and paste?  You are lazy!
rum:  I don’t want to catch what you got…glad I’m here on the other side of the screen
YourMoralLeader: is my site, no longer lukeisback
guest70:  OK then.  So you have no income now.  How smart was that?
YourMoralLeader:  hmm
guest70:  Has it been seven years since your last bankruptcy?  Is that what made you so c**ky as to sell your golden goose?
rum:  sell the Jewish site start a new porno site The Real Luke is Back..wait a month sell that one too…

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
This entry was posted in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.