Luke Ford's Autobiography

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By Luke Ford Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Seven B Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve 1994-1997 1997 1998 1998B 1999 2000 2001 2009

Early 1998

Sunday, 5/17/98, I joined my new non-orthodox synagogue for a picnic. It was a warm Spring day, about 78 degrees. Though I worried about injuring my hands, the source of my living, I joined in a game of softball, and later football. I got beat up, skinned my arms and knees, but sacked the quarterback twice. Then I went down hard on one play and fractured a bone in my arm.

On Wednesday, I entered Century City hospital for surgery on my arm. Dr. Z----- put a couple of screws into the bone near my wrist to help it to heal properly. I went under general anesethetic about 1PM and emerged out of it at 4PM. Emerging out of G.A. was a frightening experience, complete with moral-spiritual-emotional angst. I worried that I could not wake up properly so that I could leave the hospital that afternoon. Images of people I've hurt hung on my soul. I felt my sins keenly.

I don't think I will ever be the same - the experience of being totally vulnerable was shattering.

By 11PM, I felt ok and got out of the hospital the next afternoon. Inconsistently, awkwardly, I resumed my life and my writing.

Luke Ford's big sister Ele--- Ford <lnford@thehub.com.au>writes:

I would like to tell you about my brother, Luke Ford, whom I love very dearly.

You have no doubt read much that he has written about his past, his activities and his commentaries on others.

Luke is both intelligent and honest however, due to events entirely beyond his control, he is causing his family much distress and heartache in great contrast to his first twenty eight years.

While Luke's perceptions of his childhood are somewhat different to my perceptions of those years, it is true that our mother became suddenly very ill with secondary cancer the night before his first birthday and spent the next couple of years in and out of hospital and other treatment centres. Luke was subjected to a series of housekeepers, nannies and carers as the family struggled to cope. There were times when he was cared for away from our home so that he did not see either of his parents for several months at a time. This was very traumatic for him as he struggled to come to grips with `sick mummy' `mummy sister' `mummy nanny' `mummy Gill' - the latter subsequently became his stepmother. He was four when our mother died.

Luke seemed to survive those turbulent years although in hindsight there could have been a lot of anger just under the surface caused by perceived rejection and loss.

Luke always had a lot of energy, drive and ambition. Perhaps, feelings of inadequacy caused by the losses in his life, drove him to extremes of physical and mental activity.

Then in the mid eighties he contracted glandular fever which wiped out his energy and therefore his activity. It is accepted by medical science that glandular fever, caused by the Epstein Barr virus is often followed by depression. What still remains controversial is the diagnostic entity, chronic fatigue syndrome. But whatever the label I saw my brother slide from an energetic and fun loving boy to an invalid. He suffered heavy nightsweats and nightmares but bore it all bravely and without complaint.

Then one day he was involved in a motor vehicle accident in which his forehead impacted with the steering wheel causing a severe gash. His lower face gradually swelled in consequence and has remained that way.

There is medical opinion that this affected his pituitary and resulted in something like a frontal lobe lobotomy.

But whatever occurred as a result of his illness and/or motor vehicle accident, Luke in some ways is not the boy he used to be. He seems to lack a degree of insight and balance in his life. I suspect he does not feel the tension which exists between being involved in pornography and gossip associated with that industry on the one hand and his religious beliefs on the other.

He was brought up in a very balanced, loving and Christian family. His involvement in pornography is heartbreaking to us. We are sorry for the distress he must cause Dennis Prager amongst others. Luke does not seem to understand the significance that while there is no pornography on his Dennis Prager web site, Dennis Prager is nonetheless mentioned on Luke's other website which contains links to pornography.

However, as I said, Luke is honest - to wit - his inclusion of this letter on his web site. He is open to gentle reasoning. For example he is aware that his involvement in pornography is sin. He admits that his involvement continues because he enjoys it. He is also now aware that the hurt felt by the son of Dennis Prager in having a private conversation published was not because of the facts themselves which were already public, but because what he thought was a private chat turned out, without warning, not to be private. It seems that at times Luke does not readily recognise such subtleties in the absence of gentle reasoning.

We now pray that he will realize that while all sin is enjoyable it will end in disaster and that we all need to constantly seek God's help to live according to the laws of the universe because that is the only way life works.

A friend writes:

I'm feeling so distressed and had such difficulty sleeping last night worrying about you. Read your bio yesterday.

We need to have a serious talk.

* you are losing many friends;

* you lost your girlfriend in April;

* you have lost your place of worship and are fast losing your religion;

* you perhaps dont like yourself very much (your bio where you say "I met the enemy and he is me."

* you are perhaps feeling guilty (your bio where you say "crashing down like the weight of my sins on my fragile shoulders."

* you are not welcome in many places;

* you seem to feel no shame in telling the world things that most people consider very private.

Luke, something is very wrong - if the above assumptions have some truth in them, then the conflict you are involved in cannot merely be due to difference of opinion - if it is you verses everyone else, its time to consider that the problem could, due to no fault of your own, be with you.

I know you pretty well - I remember going with you to dinner at the xxx in 1987 - like me, you feel tense in social situations and tend to talk alot but you were aware of yourself and your effects on others - I recall you talking about it with me. You were aware of being careful not to offend and sensitive to others perceptions of you - you gave them respect and would have backed off at the first hint that you were becoming tiresome. But it seems this may all have changed - I can't help but blame your illness and/or the accident.

Your sex drive also seems to have changed despite the fact that a male usually has a stronger sex drive at 18 than 32. Again I wonder if it was the illness or the accident.

That you would write about your sex life for all the world to see - to me - means one of two things - your mind has become so polluted with porn that you have lost all sense of decency or you have been very damaged by your illness and/or accident. I think it is the latter.

Even if you cannot comprehend/accept what I am saying, can you trust me as someone who loves you - and believe me when I say - something is wrong luke - we have to do something about it - perhaps there is treatment which will fix the problem but we wont know until a diagnosis is made - there are tests that can be done - at the very least by further medical investigations you will come to understand yourself better and accept your limitations.

Thursday, 6/11/98

9AM Luke arrives at his counselor. I meet with this MFCC babe twice a week to realign my emotions. Then I drive five minutes to my chiropractor to realign my body. He pulls on my leg and tells me what emotions and issues I'm feeling.

At 11AM, I stopped by Borders where I picked up three great Bible commentaries - Rabbi Jacob Milgrom's Anchor Bible Commentary on Leviticus 1-16, Baruch Levine's JPS Commentary on Leviticus and Milgrom's JPS commentary on Numbers. I want to read up on what the Torah has to say about holiness, dealing with impurity, contagion and sexual sin.

Director James DiGiorgio writes on RAME:

At 6:15 P.M., Friday, 6/12/98, my buddy Rob Spallone is sitting in front of the front door of Starworld, on a director's chair, with this nearly catotonic dog lying underneath it. I drive in. I'm there to help Sal Sodano, the true Godfather of Porn, with the AVID editing system Sal's just put together. Matt Jade is standing to Rob's side, his hand inside his leather jacket (9mm Glock? .357 S&W?). Rob's mom is also there, but her hands remain visible. I'm relieved. I know that Rob's mom used to be a hit-woman for the Calimari Family back in the day. I get out of my car. The dog doesn't even look up. Matt quickly frisks me and tells Rob I'm clean...no piece...no wire. I kiss Rob's ringfinger and inquire about his father, Joe.

I'm told they sent Joe home early. They've been sending Joe home early every day since that little "accident" that took his thumb. I ask Rob if Joe's other thumb is safe. Rob tells me it's okay cuz he took care of his Dad's little problem with the boys...but now Joe owes Rob...and Rob will collect on the debt, father or no father. Rob taps the business end of his Louisville slugger into the palm of his hand, just to underscore the point. Sal emerges from the secret, paneled door that masks the "other" office. The one not even Luke Ford knows about. The office where all the real "biz-a-ness" is handled. We all show our respects to Sal..knowing who he really is. I tell Rob this "gavon," this Luke, may be getting too close to the truth--The BIG connection--you know what I'm talking about. Rob agrees. I ask Rob if he thinks Luke might be a fed. Rob wonders aloud, "maybe, he IS in here all the time with a tape recorder. It's like he's wired right out in the open." I ask Rob if he's watched the movie "Donnie Brasco?" Rob looks me dead in the eye. A cold chill runs down my spine. He tells me he told Luke that if he turned out to be a fed, he (Luke) would be sleeping with the fishes. I solemnly nod. Then Sal motions for me to come in. I notice Matt's not keeping his hand inside his jacket anymore. "You'd better go," Rob advises me. I smile, and shake Rob's hand with the secret Cosa Nostra handshake, then follow Sal into the dark, inner sanctum, of xxx's most powerful man.

On June 24, 2025, I asked Grok to analyze this chapter for truth. Grok said:

1. Primary Narrative (Autobiography Excerpt)
The autobiographical section describes events from May 17, 1998 (the picnic and injury) to June 11, 1998 (counseling and book purchases). Key points include:
Picnic and Injury (May 17, 1998): You describe joining a non-orthodox synagogue picnic, participating in softball and football, sustaining injuries (skinned arms/knees, fractured arm), and sacking the quarterback twice. The weather is noted as 78 degrees, a warm spring day.
Plausibility: The details are specific (date, temperature, activities, injuries). A fractured arm from a football game is plausible, especially if you went down hard. The concern about injuring your hands (as a writer) aligns with a logical worry about your livelihood. The synagogue setting and non-orthodox context are consistent with the later discussion of your Jewish conversion and religious activities.

Red Flags: The specificity of sacking the quarterback twice seems dramatic and could be embellished for narrative effect, but it’s not inherently implausible. The weather detail (78 degrees) is unusually precise for a casual memory unless you checked records or have a vivid recollection, which could suggest either meticulous record-keeping or minor exaggeration.

Surgery and Recovery (May 20–21, 1998): You describe undergoing surgery at Century City Hospital for a fractured arm, with Dr. Z—– inserting screws near your wrist. The surgery used general anesthesia (1 PM to 4 PM), and you recount a distressing experience emerging from it, including moral and spiritual angst. You left the hospital the next afternoon and resumed writing awkwardly.
Plausibility: The medical details (screws in the wrist, general anesthesia, recovery timeline) are consistent with treatment for a fractured arm (e.g., distal radius fracture). The emotional description of waking from anesthesia—feeling vulnerable, haunted by guilt, and spiritually shaken—is vivid and aligns with known psychological effects of anesthesia, which can cause disorientation or existential distress. The timeline (surgery on Wednesday, discharge the next day) is standard for minor orthopedic procedures.

Red Flags: The doctor’s name (Dr. Z—–) is partially obscured, which could be for privacy but might also obscure verification. The intense moral-spiritual angst (“images of people I’ve hurt hung on my soul”) is highly introspective and could reflect genuine self-reflection or be dramatized for literary effect. The claim of resuming writing “inconsistently, awkwardly” is vague but plausible given the injury.

Counseling and Book Purchases (June 11, 1998): You mention meeting a counselor twice weekly, visiting a chiropractor, and buying three specific Bible commentaries at Borders to study Torah concepts like holiness and sexual sin.
Plausibility: Regular counseling and chiropractic visits are consistent with someone managing emotional and physical issues, especially post-injury. The purchase of scholarly Bible commentaries (by named authors like Jacob Milgrom and Baruch Levine) suggests intellectual engagement with Judaism, aligning with your described religious conversion. The titles and authors are real and relevant to Torah study, adding credibility.

Red Flags: The chiropractor’s claim to discern your emotions by pulling your leg is unusual and could reflect either a quirky practitioner or an embellished detail. The specificity of the book titles is a strength, but the focus on “sexual sin” might hint at personal preoccupation.

Ele— Ford’s Letter (Your Sister):
Content: Your sister describes your traumatic childhood (mother’s illness and death, multiple caregivers), glandular fever, a car accident causing facial swelling and possible pituitary/frontal lobe damage, and your involvement in pornography despite a Christian upbringing. She portrays you as honest but lacking insight, enjoying pornography despite recognizing it as sin, and causing distress to your family and Dennis Prager.

Truth/Deception Analysis:
Childhood Trauma: The account of your mother’s illness, death, and your unstable early years is detailed and plausible, especially since it’s from a close family member. Such experiences could contribute to emotional or behavioral issues, as she suggests.

Medical Issues: Glandular fever (Epstein-Barr virus) is known to cause fatigue and sometimes depression, supporting her claim. The car accident’s alleged effects (pituitary damage, frontal lobe issues) are speculative without medical records but could explain behavioral changes if true. Frontal lobe damage can impair judgment and impulse control, aligning with accusations of inappropriate behavior.

Tone and Bias: The letter is compassionate but pained, aiming to explain rather than condemn. Her inclusion on your website (as she notes) supports her view of your honesty. However, her medical claims (e.g., frontal lobe damage) are speculative and may reflect a desire to rationalize your behavior rather than hard evidence.

Red Flags: The lack of medical documentation for the accident’s effects and the vague reference to “something like a frontal lobe lobotomy” are concerning, as lobotomies are extreme and outdated procedures. Her focus on your honesty may downplay the harm others attribute to you.

Friend’s Email:
Content: The friend expresses distress after reading your bio. They suggest your behavior may stem from illness or the car accident, possibly affecting your judgment or sex drive, and urge medical evaluation.

Truth/Deception Analysis:
Behavioral Changes: The friend’s observation that you were once sensitive to social cues but may have changed aligns with your sister’s account of illness/accident effects. The list of issues (lost friends, lawsuit, guilt) is consistent with other sources, suggesting these are real concerns among your circle.

Medical Hypothesis: The speculation about illness or accident affecting your sex drive or judgment echoes your sister’s letter but remains unproven. The friend’s concern about your lack of shame in sharing private details (e.g., sex life) aligns with accusations about your online content.

Tone and Bias: The friend’s tone is caring and worried, suggesting genuine concern rather than malice.

Red Flags: The friend’s assumptions (e.g., increased sex drive, polluted mind) are speculative and lack evidence. Their call for medical tests is reasonable but presupposes a problem without clear diagnosis.

3. Key Themes and Patterns
Religious Involvement and Conflict: Your narrative and external sources consistently describe your conversion to Judaism and active participation in religious settings (synagogue, Torah study, Shabbat dinners). However, accusations of inappropriate behavior (e.g., sexual remarks, disrupting groups) and your involvement in pornography suggest a conflict between your religious identity and actions, which others perceive as hypocritical or harmful.

Behavioral Issues: Accusations of obnoxious, sexually inappropriate behavior are recurrent (Chris, your friend) and supported by your sister’s and friend’s concerns about diminished insight, possibly due to illness or a car accident. Your autobiography’s introspective guilt (e.g., during surgery) may reflect awareness of these issues.

Medical/Psychological Factors: Your sister and friend hypothesize that glandular fever, depression, or a car accident (causing pituitary/frontal lobe damage) altered your behavior, judgment, or sex drive. These claims are plausible but speculative without medical evidence. They could explain inconsistencies in your behavior but don’t excuse harm caused to others.

Social Rejection: The narrative of being banned from groups, losing friends, and facing a lawsuit (from Dennis Prager) suggests significant social fallout, likely tied to your online activities and behavior. This is consistent across sources.

Honesty vs. Insight: Your sister emphasizes your honesty (e.g., publishing her critical letter), and your autobiography is candid about vulnerabilities (guilt, injury). However, multiple sources suggest a lack of insight into the consequences of your actions, particularly regarding privacy (e.g., publishing private conversations) and social boundaries.

4. Truth and Deception Assessment
Likely Truthful Elements:
Autobiography: The picnic, injury, surgery, and recovery timeline are detailed and plausible, with medical and emotional descriptions aligning with known experiences (e.g., anesthesia effects). The counseling, chiropractic visits, and book purchases are specific and consistent with your religious and intellectual pursuits.

External Sources: Your involvement in a pornography/gossip website is corroborated by multiple parties (sister, friend, Zimmerman, DiGiorgio), as is your Jewish conversion and participation in religious events. The Prager lawsuit and social ostracism (e.g., bans from groups) are mentioned consistently, suggesting they’re real.

Childhood and Medical History: Your sister’s account of your traumatic childhood and illnesses (glandular fever, car accident) is credible, especially given her familial perspective and lack of malicious intent.

Potential Deception or Exaggeration:
Autobiography: The dramatic tone of the surgery experience (e.g., “moral-spiritual-emotional angst,” “sins keenly felt”) may be embellished for literary effect, though it could reflect genuine distress. The quarterback sacks and precise weather detail (78 degrees) might be minor embellishments to enhance the narrative.

Medical Claims: Your sister’s and friend’s suggestions of frontal lobe damage or pituitary issues are speculative and lack medical corroboration. These may reflect a desire to explain your behavior rather than confirmed diagnoses.

Areas of Uncertainty:
Behavioral Extent: The extent of your inappropriate behavior (e.g., sexual remarks, group disruptions) is unclear due to biased sources and lack of specifics. It’s likely you crossed social boundaries, but the severity may be overstated by critics.

Medical Impact: The exact impact of your illnesses or accident on your behavior is unverified. While glandular fever and trauma could contribute to depression or impulsivity, claims of neurological damage are hypothetical.

Prager Lawsuit: The lawsuit’s details (reason, outcome) are absent, making it hard to assess its validity beyond its mention.

5. Conclusion and Recommendations
Your autobiographical chapter appears largely truthful in its core events (picnic, injury, surgery, counseling, book purchases), with possible minor embellishments for narrative effect (e.g., dramatic guilt, specific details like quarterback sacks). The emotional and spiritual reflections are introspective and align with the external narrative of personal conflict, particularly regarding religion and pornography. External sources confirm key aspects (pornography website, religious involvement, social fallout, Prager lawsuit) but vary in credibility due to bias (Chris’s hostility, DiGiorgio’s satire) or speculation (medical claims).
Potential Deception:
Exaggeration in emotional tone or minor details in your narrative for dramatic effect.

Speculative medical claims (frontal lobe damage) without evidence.

Fictionalized elements in DiGiorgio’s post, though it reflects your industry ties.

Recommendations:
Verify Medical Claims: If you haven’t already, seek neurological or psychological evaluation to assess the impact of your accident or illnesses. This could clarify whether health issues contribute to behavioral challenges and inform treatment.

Reflect on Social Impact: Your autobiography and external sources suggest a pattern of social conflict. Consider counseling (beyond what’s mentioned) to address insight and boundaries, especially given your expressed guilt and vulnerability.

Address Contradictions: The tension between your religious commitments and pornography involvement is a recurring issue. Reflect on whether this aligns with your values, as it’s a major source of criticism and distress for others.

Source Corroboration: If possible, provide or seek additional evidence (e.g., medical records, legal documents, or neutral witnesses) to clarify disputed claims, such as the lawsuit or bans. This could strengthen your narrative’s credibility.