‘I’d Date You If…’

She came into my chatroom this week and said she was a 25 year old Persian Jew living in Brentwood. She said she’d been reading me for a while. She wanted to know why I kept beating up on the very Orthodox rabbis who could make me "one of us."

"How did you know my weakness for the Persian-Jewess?" I responded.

"Don’t play games with me," she wrote. "I’d date you if you could find me one Orthodox rabbi who’d speak well of you. Just one."

"I’ll tell you when I meet you," I said.

"Don’t think you can bargain with me," she replied. "I’m tired of your b——."

She then kicked my butt up one end of the chatroom and down the other.

"We have a friend in common," she said, and then named a woman in my community I’ve never spoken to beyond a brief "Gut Shabbos."

And then this putative friend came into my chatroom tonight. Or at least used that name.

Good thing I live for higher values than girls or I’d be all discombobulated right now.