I Offered To Bring Cocoa Krispies

I was invited to Shabbat dinner at the home of friends.

"What should I bring?" I asked.

I got the answer: "Hmmm one of Levi’s classics."

"I’ll bring Cocoa Krispies," I replied.

I still have three bowls from LimmudLA 2008 when I was given packages of them to take home and give to a homeless shelter, which I interpreted as meaning my hovel.

The word came back that I should bring challah.

So I go to Elat Market Friday morning and pick up a raisin challah, but when I bring it with me at 7 pm Friday, I find out I was expected to bring two plain challah loaves. Oy ve! That is so obvious. Of course you need two challah loaves to make hamotzi. How could I have been so dumb? I’ll not make that mistake again.

Just as I was starting to overcome that shame, one of the hosts announced: "Levi used to write for the porn industry."

That was a long awkward silence.

"He wrote it in a book!" my host defended.

Eventually I got into a conversation with a young woman who told me after five minutes, "No more questions!"

I get that a lot.

When I started joking about making out with the younger sister of my friend, I got told, "Levi! Inhibit!"

Imagine that! My very own Alexander Technique language getting used against me.

Three hours is about my limit for socializing and I came home at 10 pm.