Book Clubs Are For Girls

In theory, I should be hot for book clubs. I typically read several books a week. I love discussing books with smart people. I love to bond with people over books.

Yet I’ve never enjoyed a book club.

I rarely enjoy sitting with a group of people who are each expected to share their thoughts and feelings on something.

Why not?

Because most people don’t have anything smart to say.

I hate being stuck with a bunch of retards. I hate having to treat their drivel as equally valid to profound insight.

Sharing is for chicks.

Equality is a feminine value, notes Dennis Prager.

Men love hierarchy.

I want someone devastatingly smart to lead a discussion and to not let morons ruin things.

I don’t go to a lot of Torah classes because there will always be one blowhard there who’ll feel compelled ten times a class to toot his own horn to no good effect.

It only takes one shmuck to ruin things — just ask anyone who’s hosted me for a Shabbat meal.

One thing I usually don’t like about Reform and Conservative synagogues — and their chicks are usually hotter — is when everyone is asked to contribute their thoughts on the parsha (Torah portion).

I only want to hear the thoughts of those who’ve toiled with the text and come out with insights I don’t have.

The only book club I’ve enjoyed is a movie — The Jane Austen Book Club.