He Called Me Levi!

My Hebrew name is “Levi Ben Avraham.” My goyisha name is Luke Carey Ford.

When Orthodox Jews, particularly Orthodox rabbis, call me “Luke” or “Mr. Ford”, I always feel like I am in trouble.

Why? Because I can’t reconcile the things “Luke Ford” says and writes on his blog with Orthodox Judaism.

So I split myself off. I create this dual persona Levi Ben Avraham who is a pious Orthodox Jew who would not engage in vulgar talk and would not trade in lashon hara (gossip).

I had an Orthodox rabbi who only called me “Luke” when I was in trouble with him, which was often. He was saying, I’m not playing games anymore and pretending that you are a pious Orthodox Jew. You’re a vulgar goy and you’re in big trouble with me.

When a frum yid says to me, “Mr. Ford, I’ve been reading your blog,” I immediately hold my breath, contract, and collapse in on myself. Other than that, I’m cool.

So I was at dinner last night at Haifa restaurant. I ran into my friend Candy*. She was having dinner with her friend Sandy*.

Both are yidden.

I had never met Sandy* before.

So when Sandy* gets up and walks to the bathroom and I check her out in a spiritual, not a vulgar way, Candy saw the light in my eyes and said to me, “Would you like to tap that?”

I said, “I’m Levi. I’m a frum yid. I don’t know from tapping. What’s this tapping? Only goyim tap. Frum yidden unite the broken vessels.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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