A Marital Guide For Men Only

Orit Arfa writes:

“Garden of Peace” makes lofty, black-and-white demands on men, repeated and expanded upon through real-life examples, biblical commentary and Chasidic folklore. Its three main instructions might make a husband wince and a wife cheer: a husband should not criticize his wife under any circumstances; he should not comment on her perceived faults; and he should always treat her as his top priority.

Grounded in kabbalistic teachings, it designates a wife as the “mouthpiece” of God and the “mirror” of her husband. For example, a wife’s anger directed toward her husband is really God’s anger channeled through her.

…In his popular blog on Jewish issues, Lazer Beams, Brody gives the lesson of the burnt toast. “If your wife burns your toast, then do a Google search on the benefits of carbon to the human body,” he said in a video blog.

A husband should not comment on trivial annoyances — like burnt toast or tepid coffee — nor on major infractions, including even the violation of Jewish law, according to the pair’s teachings. Women simply aren’t spiritually and psychologically designed to handle criticism from their husbands, who are naturally inclined to fix what they find wrong, Brody says.

“You never criticize, even if she breaks the Torah,” Brody said. “Even if you observe Shabbat, and she turns on the light. First you have to judge her fairly, then you go to Hashem [God], and ask, “Why didn’t I deserve to have the Shabbat preserved in my home? What can I do?”