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Like a Kid in a Candy Store

I went to Temple Sinai in Westwood Tuesday night and sat with at least a dozen beautiful women I did not know. And I did not talk to one of them. And my shyness wasn't because I was so spiritually pre-occupied with Rabbi Wolpe's lecture on masters of Jewish mysticism. My reticence came from being a loser.

Late Marriage

I'm a sucker for films with good reviews. When I go to the store, I find it hard to resist renting any films with critical raves.

So I've rented a ton of acclaimed films that are painful to watch.

Fitting into this category this past week:

* Swimming Pool

* Late Marriage

* Cup Final

* All The Real Girls

* The Believer

What's the Word in the Mikvah on Luke Ford?

Chaim Amalek writes:

Isn't there by now a critical mass of Jewesses in LA who either have dated you, are dating you, or whom you asked out but turned you down? What's the word on the street, in the shul, and (MOST importantly) in the the mikvah concerning Luke Ford?

In a totally different matter, I was in a Lutheran Church today and was favorably impressed with the art work left on the walls by the children of the congregation. Not for its technical skill, but for the warmth with which it portrayed their connection to God. I wonder how much of this stems from worshiping a God believed to have once assumed human form. Yep, the Christian God is lots nicer than the Jewish God.

Do any really successful people contribute to your blog, or are we all a bunch of losers?

I think the time has come for you to do a documentary on the sorts of women who you have dated or wanted to date. "View from Mikvah and Metropolis"

Robert writes: "I too am amazed at how our budget concious Lothario has hit on so damn many chicks. Is he the ultimate speed-dater or is it that he considers eye-contact a proper date?"

Khunrum writes: "It's usually...."I spoke to Francine Moscowitz on the phone today...I'm in love with her"...That's the first and last we hear of Ms Moscowitz...That's the date."

I'm Considering English As A Second Language

Cunning linguist J.D. Considine writes:

Writing about Dennis Prager and the "Passion" controversy, you write, "Understanding does not sell ad revenue."

Ad revenue is not sold, it is collected. One gains revenue from selling ads. Sell ads, collect revenue. Get it?

Have you considered ESL classes?

The Believer

I just watched this disturbing film and I understand why much of the Jewish establishment was appalled by it. As Pgspat put it on Imdb.com: "If you are looking for homoerotic tattoos and skinhead muscle, rent or buy ROMPER STOMPER. In The Believer - Ryan is young and hot looking, but he only takes his shirt off occasionally to make love to his weird girlfriend. The rest of his out of shape gang fortunately never take their shirts off."

Dennis Prager: 'I Was The First Jew To See The Passion!'

Dennis Prager said he was the first Jew to see THE PASSION (July of 2003).

DP: The Today Show comes to my house and interviews me for half an hour about the movie and uses 12 seconds, the most controversial part of what I said.

Dennis sarcastically congratuled the Jewish establishment, including the ADL, for making this movie such a media sensation.

(Was it just me who detected a note of "I know better than the idiots who run Jewish life" in Prager's remarks?)

The task of the media is to foment misunderstanding. Understanding does not sell ads. The media loves controversy.

Dennis claims he's never addressed what he thought of the movie but I remember hearing him say he did not like it. Watching a guy get tortured for two hours was not his idea of a good movie. DP clearly said he wished the movie had never been made and that it was bad for the Jews.

"I raised Mel Gibson's consciousness and he was very willing to work with me to make any changes to the film that didn't conflict with the film and the Gospels account. It didn't work out that way because of all the noise about it. It was about having a comment at the beginning and the end.

"This is the most violent film ever made. It's about a man being tortured. I don't think it's effective. Of course it stands in your memory. If this were done to Charles Jones for two hours, you'd be moved."

Cathy Seipp Needs A Man

I'm exhausted from meeting Cathy's insatiable needs and I need another fella to help carry the load.

Cathy has a lot of love and direction to give to the right man who enjoys a woman who wants to outdo him in every way except picking up the check. He will get bonus points if he is not married, or if he is at least separated from his wife, or if he at least feels like his wife doesn't understand him, or if he at least feels that she is not smart enough for him, or if he at least feels like some variety.

Cathy Seipp writes me: "Why isn't there a G-date? You know, for gentiles? I think I might be interested in that one. So I could meet a man who isn't constantly nagging and fretting, and knows how to do household repairs and stuff, and doesn't send back coffee because he imagines there's lint on it."

Debbie writes Luke: "Every couple of decades it falls to me to find Cathy a husband. So...per her instructions, I found a tall, handsome 47-year-old (looks 42!) law professor on J-Date. (Even though she says she wants a gentile, WE know better...) This guy owns a house in Venice (so I assume he won't try to split the lunch tab) and says he "wants someone to discuss George Orwell with." Only one catch: NO REPUBLICANS. Is there an R-date? Or do you think he'd be so bowled over by her wit, vivacity and beauty that he'd ignore her political leanings?"

Hey, Is It Just Me?

Cathy Seipp writes:

Or does the guy in the motorcycle helmet on my Blogad look rather like you?

My Blogad My Blogad MY BLOGAD MY BLOGAD $10 FOR ME ME ME, yes, you heard right, that's TEN BIG ONES, MY FRIEND!!!!

A BIG $10 AD for ME. And not YOU. Maybe I'LL treat YOU to a cup of coffee next time since I'm in the MONEY.

OK, I have to admit you got me exactly right. I am a little on the competitive side.

The guy does look like you, I think. Actually he looks like you as a Village People male motorcycle cop about to do a striptease dance at a bachelorette party.

Dawn Eden writes:

I think the problem with making racist jokes and other inflammatory comments--which I've done, and which many others whom I would not consider racists do at one point or another--is that whenever we do so, we may be heard by someone who will take us at face value. We either risk someone's saying, "Yeah, that really IS the way blacks/gays/women/etc. are," or we simply risk their thinking that we actually believe what we're saying.

I've become less of a Kurt Vonnegut fan in recent years because of discomfort with his liberalism, but there's one quote from his "Mother Night" that haunts me: "We are what we seem." The biblical equivalent would be from Proverbs 15:28: "The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things." We are urged to speak from our hearts, as one who has pondered issues, and to resist the temptation to speak rashly.

I imagine there are people who read your blog who would be quite happy if you were ironic and lighthearted all the time and didn't have sincere insights into your personal efforts to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. I think it's admirable that you're upfront about not only your faith, but how you apply it to everyday life.

Tough French Guy Manuel Uses A Woman To Relay Physical Threats

I got this email from a female acquaintance who I wanted to date (and she turned me down for the sake of the feelings of this frog eater): "Manuel...sends this message this afternoon from Prague: He doesn’t know where you get your information for your site, but if you don’t say that the whole “I’m mad/jealous” deal is a lie, he will punch the s--- out of you next time he sees you and send you crying to your mother."

What kind of a man uses a woman to relay threats like this? Where I come from, anyone who does this is not much of a man.

I have written nothing about this mad/jealous love triangle. I've searched this website and have found nothing about Manuel being jealous of....

If Manuel has a problem with me because of something he read on the Internet, then why isn't he man enough to deal with me directly instead of using a woman to carry the water for him?

Khunrum writes: "This Frog, as you suggest, is an obvious coward and the French are a nation of unwashed bores. Check out their cinema zzzzzzzzzzzzz.. Furthermore this snail eater is probably not aware that you have a Black Belt in Sacred Deadly Australian Boomerang Arts. Take pity on this fool Luke. Don't hurt him for he does not realize your hands and Boomerang are deadly weapons."

I don't know much about French culture except that the French have acted like cowards for most of the past century. The United States had to bail them out of two world wars and reconquer their country for them (a country that they showed no inclination to defend themselves, but instead surrendered en masse in WWII like scared children).

Therefore it does not surprise me that French men go crying to a woman when their feelings are hurt rather than deal directly with the man who might've published something hurting their feelings.

I don't know the French ways in this matter. Perhaps a reader could educate me?

It did not surprise me that even though the United States twice rescued France from invasion by Germany in the past century, that when the US wanted to get ready of a dangerous dictator in Iraq, the French leadership joined hands with the Germans to do everything they possibly could to prevent the US from making the world a safer place.

It doesn't surprise me either that French money and technology has funded military buildups in the Arab Islamic world, including a nuclear reactor in Iraq that had to be destroyed by Israel in 1981.

And it doesn't surprise me that a tough talking French thug would go crying to an American woman and ask her to relay a beat-down threat.

Highlights From My Dinner At Cathy Seipp's House

Cathy Seipp writes: "Sometimes I try to think which other people I could also invite over for dinner on Sundays with Luke, but he's too special to expose to just anyone, so normally it's just him. And Grandpa and Cecile of course. The useful thing is he then writes up the whole evening's events so we have a record."

* I bring tokens of my esteem. A bottle of zero calorie grape drink for me and a DVD of the movie Eve's Bayou I received as a gift last week.

* Cecile sounds fuzzy. I want to tune in her frequency more accurately. Then I see she's graduated from braces to a retainer.

* Cathy says it is vulgar to disclose your IQ. I push her. She says she tested about 165 as a child. I think I had a test at a Scientology center in 1995. It was around 135.

* Cathy's father Harvey and I enjoy a good racist joke but Cathy and Cecile hate them. Cathy prefers to pick on people of a low social class. She relates white trash anecdotes while Harvey and I settle for saying "oriental." I toss off a few derogatory terms until I'm shut up. Cathy, and most Americans, don't like me when I get racist. People just aren't as understanding and tolerant as they should be of knuckle-dragging neanderthals such as myself.

* It's easier to disclose the shameful practice of self abuse than to admit to racism. The blogosphere is supposed to be such a wide open place yet there's little honest discussion of race. I want to blow things wide open right now. I have racist thoughts. When I drive to downtown Los Angeles, I get nervous driving through non-white areas. When I drive to USC, I can get very nervous. It would be a nightmare to me to break down in a predominantly black neighborhood (unless it was middle class and above). I fear the oriental less but angry Muslim man more.

* Koreans tend to be more physically beautiful than the Japanese, more Christian, and about as smart. Driving through Koreatown is cool. I was sustained from 1989 to 1994 by memories of a Korean girl.

* Harvey Seipp is a political independent who distrusts politicians. Cathy tells him to go to the polls and do exactly as she says.

* Cathy lectured a mother the other day about not writing anonymous letters to school principals. Sign the thing. Harvey marvels at Cathy's enormous self assurance which entitles her to lecture others about many things. I must say though, Cathy's right.

* I wonder how Cathy will spend the $10 she makes a month from her first blog ad.

* "Horrid boy" is Cathy's new name for me.

* I tell her that my favorite dish of hers is the bean one. That's her least favorite because it is so bland. I like bland. That's why I like Cathy. She's gonna make bean soup next time.

* Is it inappropriate to talk about one's first french kiss in front of a 14-year old? Cathy seemed ill at ease with my graphic description (though the discussion of loss of innocence occasioned no raised eyebrows, rather it seemed to enhance the vitality of our trifle desert, perhaps because the girl was 4'10, though of legal age). I tried to re-enact my first kiss with Grandpa Harvey, which did not bother him at all but it annoyed Cathy.

That first kiss happened when I was 16 and a junior in high school. I now wish that I had waited until marriage to experience such intimacy. I believe that's God's will. Don't french kiss is in Leviticus. After that kiss, I basically could not talk to the girl again for the rest of high school, and she was an editor on the newspaper with me.

* Growing up, I thought I was super-competitive. But now that I get to know eldest children like Cathy, I realize I'm a laid back guy. Cathy wants to show me that her blog gets more traffic and more links from more powerful bloggers (Volokh.com) than mine does. So we spend ten minutes with Cecile tooling around technorati.com and alexa.com.

* Cathy tells me about how little Cecile is. She wasn't singing that tune when Cecile stood on her foot in my van.

* Cecile showed me some nifty dance moves but I wanted to play tackle football. So while Cecile tried to dance, I was the defensive end and I pretended she was an offensive lineman. I knocked her over several times until I got tired.

* I get in some good digs while looking through two enormous photo albums of Cathy's life. "It's wonderful that you're not vain, Cathy."

* At 10:45PM, Cathy packs Cecile off to bed.

* At the California Apparel News, Cathy modeled slutty plunging bathing suits (like Bonnie Fuller at the Toronto Star). Not many reporters could pull that off.

* Cathy says she works as hard now as when was turning in nine stories a week for the Los Angeles Daily News.

* At 11:15PM, Cathy yawns loudly and says she must go to bed. I'd been talking about myself and my memoir for an hour straight.

Cecile du Bois writes on her blog:

After pasta with gorgonzola cheese and arugula, we had a thirty minute dancing session to Anything Goes, Christmas Jump and Jive, and Hit Parade, Mom and Luke began looking at old photo albums, half showing my parents married years including my mother pregnant, honeymoon, wedding, college years etc. Luke claimed he had a teary eye over a photo of Mom pregnant. My father looked very confident in the photos, with smiles, and athletic build. Of course time wears on. And Luke decided to share details of his first kisses--which my father is far too prudent to disclose. Luke said, "You can be a grandmother!" I laughed, saying, "And who would be my husband?" Mom looked baffled for a moment and replied a nice boy of some sort.

My mom also, I learned, modeled bathing suits for a newspaper when she worked in fashion. And there was a photo of her uncontrollable 80's 'fro. I remember when I was four, in the Glendale Galleria, she had a triangular hairstyle that was curly and completely thick. Unlike my cousin Mari, who always has a sleek cut that is controllable, my Mom until recently has always had thick Debra Messing-esque hair.

* I just linked to my first Christian site. Dawn Eden. I find it easier to link to vigorously atheistic friends like Amy Alkon, who support homosexual marriage, than I do in linking to a Christian. Weird. I agree with Dennis Prager and Rabbi Daniel Lapin that religous Jews and Christians have much in common but there's just something that upsets me about a Jew taking on Jesus and Christianity. I have to admit it that this is irrational on my part but I'm more emotionally upset about Jew taking on Christ than I am about a Jew taking on atheistic socialism. What goyim believe matters less to me.

In 1994, I started talking to a Jew for Jesus at UCLA. He was handing out flyers. I soon was screaming at him. I wanted to kill him. Word of my beastly manners got back to my Christian parents.

If I am able to stay calm in the face of people screaming at me, it is because I am keenly aware of how some things have sent me flying off the handle.

We have a Christian security guard at my shul. He's a great guy. On a typical Shabbos, I will have a deeper conversation with him than I will with any Jew (because I feel like we share more in common as religious conservatives). He gave me a book on Christians by Rabbi Daniel Lapin.

I only feel free to be a bigoted as I am on this blog and in some personal conversations because it is inconceivable to me (due to my religious belief that everybody is made in the image of God) to ever treat anyone badly on the basis of skin color, nationality, religious beliefs (within the normal spectrum), and sexual orientation.

Died in Your Arms Tonight (I Just)

Is there something wrong with listening to Died in Your Arms Tonight (I Just) ["a much-maligned saccharine heart-burst" writes Khunrum] by Cutting Crew 20 times in a row? I've been using pop music the past two months to try to drive myself into frenzies of creativity (or to access what I was thinking and feeling in my teens when these songs were hits).

If You're Gonna Sin, Sin Vigorously

That's what I thought as I laid my head to the floor of my hovel late Friday night.

If a Jew's gonna go to a Conservative temple, Say Sinai in Westwood, and say "amen" to a bracha by a Conservative rabbi, and pray next to those who bleed, and then afterwards, shake their hands and even kiss them on the lips, then you might as well follow the holy advice of Martin Luther to his timid disciple Melanchton: Sin vigorously! But even more believe in the redeeming power of God to cleanse you of all unrighteousness, even if you've committed hundreds of acts of fornication.

My problem is I'm too timid. I walk right up to the precipice of sin and then stop. If only I'd occasionally take the plunge.

I just died in your arms tonight.
It must've been something you said.

Mary writes Luke: "It sounds like you are struggling with temptation. I know what that's like--I was confronted with it on Valentine's Day myself. One good thing to remember is that if there's a chance God has something better for you--and I think He does--it's best to wait for it, rather than settling for something that's going to leave you feeling emptier than before. This is what I tell myself. The more you wait on the Lord, as David instructs us in the Psalms, the more spiritually prepared you will be for when you have the opportunity to make a real emotional connection with someone special."

For A Good Time, Call Heather Mac Donald

212-867-5309

Time For An Intervention

Chaim Amalek writes Luke:

So sad. To see you squander your years on earth with this Peter Pan nonsense. It is all of a piece. You're gonna end up like Chaim Amalek. You don't know this, but once, when I was young, I too was a blogger. I let the years of my life flow by, carelessly. Now comes the winter, and I find myself alone in my East Coast hovel, shivering against the cold. Turn around, leaves are brown, there's a patch of snow on the ground.

I'm thinking your friends in California need to stage an intervention for you. One where all of them cut you off, one where a rabbi is assigned to be with you for thirty days, preventing you from working on that which is forbidden. Day and night. And your Internet connection is severed.

What would you be doing with your life if Timothy Berners-Lee had not invented the World Wide Web ten years ago? Because maybe that's the thing you should be doing.

I think you'd make a cool Roman Catholic priest. the kind depicted in church-friendly flicks from the sixties. Father Luke. Youth Pastor Luke. Charismatic, involved, intellectual servant of Christ.

Did you see THE SIN OF FATHER PEDRO?

No. I can no longer afford the luxury of the Jewish Cinema. I'm saving up all the loose change I find on the sidewalks of NY for "The Passion." It opens in a few weeks. I'm going to catch it at the Lowes on 84th street, and hope there will be some Black Christians in the audience to share the experience with me. I expect that I will cry and need comfort from believers, and not want to share the moment with the staff from Heeb.

As a metrosexual - that's what you are Luke, a metrosexual - I think you should share your beauty tips with the rest of us on your web site. Which sorts of cleansers do you use? I use Ajax, but find that it dries out my face. Any suggestions? I'm looking into collagen injections for fuller lips.

Peter Pan Syndrome

Cathy told me I must see this film. I've asked ten women to see it with me. None have said yes. Are the parallels between Peter Pan and Luke Ford (an exhilarating life free of grown-up rules) that apparent and frightening?

Diego writes: "When I was on my vacation a few weeks back binging on foreign films, I saw: City of God (disturbing), Irreversible (have patience, and it is very disturbing), Swimming Pool (was okay), Read My Lips (pretty good little movie), Femme Fatale (popcorn movie) and Chasing Papi (not foreign, but the hotties were, so I'm counting it). I just purchased the Akira Kurosawa box set Four Samurai Classics: Seven Samurai (epic, listen to the expert's commentary), The Hidden Fortress (fun), Yojimbo (brutal) and Sanjuro (haven't seen yet). You owe it to yourself to watch the Kurosawa films, they're damn good. Plus when you turn people on to them, they'll think you're smart."

I've told my friend Fred that I don't want him to have sex again without getting my permission first. He replies: "Sir, I thank you for your concern. For several years now I have considered myself in need of greater moral leadership. I can only hope that you can fill this need, and keep me on a more righteous path, thereby keeping me from falling into a tawdry and impure existence. Just out of curiosity, what critereon do you intend to employ when deciding whether to give me permission?"

Personal pique and jealousy.

My Favorite Moments With Cathy

Over lunch Thursday, she says, "We're in the same age group. You're fraying around the edges and I'm looking more radiant than ever."

She's nervous about going to the home of an Orthodox family for a Shabbat dinner. "What do I say and not say?" she asks.

"Just watch their faces," I advise. "If their face falls when you say something, stop. If they smile, keep going."

Cathy writes: "I don't know why you think I need flowers from you, when all you do is talk about me on your blog, even (especially) on Valentine's Day."

Why Am I So Irresistable To Women Right Now?

I want to thank the Almighty on Valentine's Day for making me so irresistable to the fairer sex. Who says there's no reward for righteousness in this life?

Orthodox rabbis tell me it is against Jewish Law to celebrate the days of saints, including Valentine's Day, and Mother's Day and the like because it is walking in the ways of the goyim. So nobody's getting nothing from me this year. I'm too pious. Torah Jews shouldn't observe birthdays either. So don't expect flowers from me, Cathy Seipp. The only woman who will get such gifts is one who engages with me in the sacred rituals of the Jewish tradition.

Thoughts On Vanity Fair Pellicano Story

xxxxxx writes:

Lukestar, so glad to hear you're alive. I thought the blue meanies from Pellicano's crew had burned down the hovel after filling you full of zoloft and slashing your wrists.

What do I think of the Vanity Fair piece on Pellicano? Lots of smoke for the folks in Des Moines, not much steak for the bad boys on da Coast. God knows I love Connolly, but hells bells, there's nothing in that story that wasn't broken on lukeford.net.

And let's call a white boy a white boy: the prosecutor, Dan Saunders, got a shitload of press for going after Eddie Nash on the Wonderland Murders. After all the hootin' and hollerin,' Nash just "confessed" to what he claimed 20 years ago: he'd sent over a wrecking crew to bust up the Wonderland gang, but ,by the time Nash's crew had gotten there, somebody else had already killed the lot. Nash will be out in a year.

So where's the beef on Bert Fields, et al? Well, there is no beef yet. That's the story, when the grand jury testimony is entered into public record at a TRIAL. When's that gonna happen? Who knows?

What was good was the real time coverage of Pellicano on lukeford.net. You used the web to get into all the conspiracies, the bullshit, the bitches, the backroom deals. Didn't matter how much was true, because there was a bit of truth in all the stuff. (note: you're still the only journo to link Alex Proctor to a couple of professional hits in Boston. He's not the nondescript drug dealer that he's made out to be in Vanity Fair. I looked into his eyes, bro, and I saw tombstones. One hundred yard stare.)

My suggestion is that the Pellicano groupies pay five bucks for the official version in Vanity Fair, and keep checking on Lukeford.net for the real juice. Cause there's more to come. I got a webcam pointed at the hovel, and the boys in black raincoats are on their way. And you know damn well Russell Crowe is just waiting to get the rights to the story of the late, great Luke Ford. Via con dios, amigo. You were the last of the truthtellers.

If I Could Share Just One Story To Explain Myself...

When I was three years old, my family stayed at a cabin on Lake Macquarie. Upset at being left behind while my sister paddled a canoe, I toddled out to the pier and threw stones at her. She yelled at me to stop. I laughed. Nothing made me happier than throwing things at people. It forced them to pay attention to him. If I could just throw this one rock a little farther, I could hit her. And wouldn’t that be wonderful. I loved to hurt people so they felt as miserable as I did.

I ran a few steps to the edge of the pier, launched the rock, and fell into the water, sinking to the bottom. Ellen paddled frantically and then dove into the water to rescue me.

Chaim's Heartache Causes Him to Turn on Luke

Chaim Amalek writes: "Your blogg is so damn juvenile at times, it embarrasses me to admit to reading it. (Although to be precise about it, I never have, as I have never, ever uttered your name to another human being.) Instead of writing about all the emotional booboos you suffered as a tot, why not write about matters more related to the human condition of adulthood; you know, heartbreak and the like. Has a woman ever broken your heart? I suspect not, as all your relationships with women seem to be very infantile or fantasy oriented."

Luke says: There's a certain product that men use to gain vicarious revenge on all the beautiful women who've shunned them.

Why Mel Owes One To The Jews

I have not seen the film and I do not plan to. I have no position on it except that I fear that Jews will be murdered because of this film. We will see. By the fruits of this film, we will know it.

By Rabbi Daniel Lapin

Two weeks before Mel Gibson's Passion flashes onto two thousand screens, online ticket merchants are reporting that up to half their total sales are for advance purchases for Passion. One Dallas multiplex has reserved all twenty of its screens for The Passion. I am neither a prophet nor a movie critic. I am merely an Orthodox rabbi using ancient Jewish wisdom to make three predictions about The Passion.

One, Mel Gibson and Icon Productions will make a great deal of money. Those distributors who surrendered to pressure from Jewish organizations and passed on Passion will be kicking themselves, while Newmarket Films will laugh all the way to the bank. Theater owners are going to love this film.

Two, Passion will become famous as the most serious and substantive Biblical movie ever made. It will be one of the most talked-about entertainment events in history, it is currently on the cover of Newsweek and Vanity Fair.

My third prediction is that the faith of millions of Christians will become more fervent as Passion uplifts and inspires them. Passion will propel vast numbers of unreligious Americans to embrace Christianity. The movie will one day be seen as a harbinger of America's third great religious reawakening.

Those Jewish organizations that have squandered both time and money futilely protesting Passion, ostensibly in order to prevent pogroms in Pittsburgh, can hardly be proud of their performance. They failed at everything they attempted. They were hoping to ruin Gibson rather than enrich him. They were hoping to suppress Passion rather than promote it. Finally, they were hoping to help Jews rather than harm them.

Here I digress slightly to exercise the Jewish value of "giving the benefit of the doubt" by discounting cynical suggestions growing in popularity, that the very public nature of their attack on Gibson exposed their real purpose-fundraising. Apparently, frightening wealthy widows in Florida about anti-Semitic thugs prowling the streets of America causes them to open their pocketbooks and refill the coffers of groups with little other raison d'être. But let's assume they were hoping to help Jews.

However, instead of helping the Jewish community, they have inflicted lasting harm. By selectively unleashing their fury only on wholesome entertainment that depicts Christianity, in a positive light, they have triggered anger, hurt, and resentment. Hosting the Toward Tradition Radio Show and speaking before many audiences nationwide, I enjoy extensive communication with Christian America and what I hear is troubling. Fearful of attracting the ire of Jewish groups that are so quick to hurl the "anti-Semite" epithet, some Christians are reluctant to speak out. Although one can bludgeon resentful people into silence, behind closed doors emotions continue to simmer.

I consider it crucially important for Christians to know that not all Jews are in agreement with their self-appointed spokesmen. Most American Jews, experiencing warm and gracious interactions each day with their Christian fellow-citizens, would feel awkward trying to explain why so many Jewish organizations seem focused on an agenda hostile to Judeo-Christian values. Many individual Jews have shared with me their embarrassment that groups, ostensibly representing them, attack Passion but are silent about depraved entertainment that encourages killing cops and brutalizing women. Citing artistic freedom, Jewish groups helped protect sacrilegious exhibits such as the anti-Christian feces extravaganza presented by the Brooklyn Museum four years ago. One can hardly blame Christians for assuming that Jews feel artistic freedom is important only when exercised by those hostile toward Christianity. However, this is not how all Jews feel.

From audiences around America, I am encountering bitterness at Jewish organizations insisting that belief in the New Testament is de facto evidence of anti-Semitism. Christians heard Jewish leaders denouncing Gibson for making a movie that follows Gospel accounts of the Crucifixion long before any of them had even seen the movie. Furthermore, Christians are hurt that Jewish groups are presuming to teach them what Christian Scripture "really means." Listen to a rabbi whom I debated on the Fox television show hosted by Bill O'Reilly last September. This is what he said, "We have a responsibility as Jews, as thinking Jews, as people of theology, to respond to our Christian brothers and to engage them, be it Protestants, be it Catholics, and say, look, this is not your history, this is not your theology, this does not represent what you believe in."

He happens to be a respected rabbi and a good one, but he too has bought into the preposterous proposition that Jews will reeducate Christians about Christian theology and history. Is it any wonder that this breathtaking arrogance spurs bitterness? Many Christians who, with good reason, have considered themselves to be Jews' best (and perhaps, only) friends also feel bitter at Jews believing that Passion is revealing startling new information about the Crucifixion. They are incredulous at Jews thinking that exposure to the Gospels in visual form will instantly transform the most philo-Semitic gentiles of history into snarling, Jew-hating predators.

Christians are baffled by Jews who don't understand that President George Washington, who knew and revered every word of the Gospels, was still able to write that oft-quoted beautiful letter to the Touro Synagogue in Newport, offering friendship and full participation in America to the Jewish community.

One of the directors of the AJC recently warned that Passion "could undermine the sense of community between Christians and Jews that's going on in this country. We're not allowing the film to do that." No sir, it isn't the film that threatens the sense of community; it is the arrogant and intemperate response of Jewish organizations that does so. Jewish organizations, hoping to help but failing so spectacularly, refutes all myths of Jewish intelligence. How could their plans have been so misguided and the execution so inept?

Ancient Jewish wisdom teaches that nothing confuses one's thinking more than being in the grip of the two powerful emotions, love and hate. The actions of these Jewish organizations sadly suggest that they are in the grip of a hatred for Christianity that is only harming Jews.

Today, peril threatens all Americans, both Jews and Christians. Many of the men and women in the front lines find great support in their Christian faith. It is strange that Jewish organizations, purporting to protect Jews, think that insulting allies is the preferred way to carry out that mandate. A ferocious Rottweiler dog in your suburban home will quickly estrange your family from the neighborhood. For those of us in the Jewish community who cherish friendship with our neighbors, some Jewish organizations have become our Rottweilers. God help us.

This Valentine's Day, Give The Gift of Luke Ford

Is your woman feeling down in the dumps, looking for a something little extra to add excitement to her life? Why not give the gift of Luke Ford? For just $1000 (less if she's cute), Luke will jump out of a box and study Torah with your gal and throw in a free script consultation and a shoulder massage.

I will wear a white t-shirt to shul on Saturday, Valentine's Day, to promote abstinence. During kiddish, I will hand out pro-abstinence pamphlets.

Saturday night, I plan to watch at home the movie Swimming Pool, the unrated version. I could not get a date to see it with me in the theater nine months ago because she didn't want to sit next to me for 100 minute while my tongue hung out.

Intern Scandal Threatens Luke Ford's Position As Moral Leader

Bloggers have been whispering about this for weeks but only now are the mainstream media catching up.

Over lunch Thursday, Cathy Seipp told Luke that she would not respect his predilections for community college girls.

[Cathy responds: "Now you know perfectly well that what I said I don't respect, and even laughed loudly and rudely about, is your predilection for long lunches with me spent endlessly talking about these predilections. Which obviously is your real turn-on, as you never seem to be actually with any of these girls, do you? I mean, I've seen the dumb ones occasionally, but can't remember any that were particularly fun. Or even all that young."]

About a year ago, Luke placed this ad in Variety: "Famous Internet gossip, the Matt Drudge of entertainment (and just as Jewish), seeks hot young impressionable thing to help carry his load. Must be loyal, diligent, hard working. Possibility for promotion to wife status for the right woman."

This led to a stream of women working as interns in his operation to teach chastity to girls (www.yourmoralleader.com).

Luke Ford told IMUS IN THE MORNING on Friday, February 13, "there is nothing to report" after a DRUDGE REPORT exclusive revealed the frantic behind-the-scenes drama surrounding a woman, Alex Polier, 24, who recently fled the country, reportedly at the prodding of Ford!

The nature and details of a claimed two-year relationship, beginning in the Spring of 2001, between a young woman and Ford is at the center of serious investigations at several media outlets.

A close friend of the woman first approached a reporter late last year claiming fantastic stories -- stories that now threaten to turn the race for the presidency on its head.

From the Boston Herald, 9/2/98:

HEADLINE: Inside Track; Job seeker is model

Question of the day: Who was the statuesque blonde strutting out of Luke Ford's palatial Beverlywood manse late Monday night?

We are told she is [name omitted] a 22-year-old Harvard student and former model who, Ford's people claim, was dropping off a resume.

Our spies on the Square say the stunning Southern gal, dressed in oh-so-chic black, arrived at Ford's townhouse around 11:15 p.m. and left just before the clock struck 12.

"He was very kind to me. He offered to pass my resume along," [the student] told the Track.

Both [the student] and Ford's people insist the encounter was completely innocent. They said the senator met [the student] on Nantucket earlier this summer, then again last weekend. ...

Chaim Amalek Stands with Fellow Jew John Kerry

Chaim Amalek writes Luke:

Stop playing the fag-hag in drag, and do some real journalism. The British Press (follow the links on Drudge) is reporting that the 24 year old female journalist Kerry tried to hit on a few years back (when he was 60) is named Alex Polier. Quick google searches indicate an AP writer by that name. Same person, or is the AP writer a man? And don't you have a source who writes for AP who could run that one down?

I expect a 60 year old man with options to make a play for a young honey. I mean, what's the point of having power and money (even if through your wife) if not to have good sex with young women? Indeed, if this pot of honey at the end of the rainbow were decisively removed from the grasp of all men, we men would no longer reach for the stars, and our economy would collapse into third world status.

Twilight of the Jews. Jewish power, apart from what God may grant via Torah, has long been predicated on the Jewish gift for understanding what the goyim will like or fall for. That this gift is in decline can be seen right here. The combination of the Heeb story and "The Passion" will make for a potent combination this Passover.

Cathy Seipp Mocks My Choices In Women

I was 26 minutes late for my lunch with Cathy Seipp. She derided my interests in women who are young, dumb and full of fun.

Then I met someone at 4PM. We were an hour early for THE STATION AGENT. So we walked to Borders and looked at the latest Sports Illustrated bathing suit issue. She looked at the suits and I looked at the models. I thought most of the models were fine but she only liked some of the suits.

Jokes About Those Crazy Goyim

A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says, "This is a very fine jacket. How much is it?"

Deep Thoughts On Britney Spears

Dave Deutsch writes:

Read your bit on Britney Spears. It always kills me when people who protest profusely at the moral genocide that is "lookism" engage in the crime themselves. Merely because someone is ugly or ungainly does not mean that they have some greater moral or intellectual virtue than someone who is attractive. Why should we presume that Britney Spears is lacking intelligence simply because she's hot? True, she does not normally pontificate on the great questions of the day, but then, most people would agree that a large number of people who do are wrong and/or stupid. Is Ann Coulter perforce more intelligent than Britney Spears because, though horse-faced and scrawny, she writes lengthy, self-serving, and deceptive books full of sophomoric, blunt "satire?" Is there some sort of weird ratio at work here, so that the less attractive and more tedious a person is, the more intelligent they are?

And even all that is secondary to the major issue of why "intelligence" is a prerequisite for "sexiness." There are things one looks for in a dinner companion, and things one looks for in an after-dinner companion (which is a nice turn of phrase; feel free to use it). I'm sure that Orson Welles circa 1980 had a lot of fascinating stories to tell, but how many women were watching his wine commercials and thinking "MMM-MMM, I gotta get me some o' that." Now don't get me wrong; I'm eternally grateful that women are less shallow than men when it comes to choosing mates. I'm not a bad-looking guy (perhaps not in Luke Ford's stunning male model league, but then, who is?), and in the Orthodox world, where standards of male pulchritude are pretty low, I'm way up there, but in terms of pure physical hotness, my wife is waaaaayyyyy out of my league. Thankfully, I'm fairly dripping with buckets of raw charm, which helps me go down easier, but still. Why shouldn't you find somebody with a nice body who dresses trashy to be sexy--that's pretty much the whole point, isn't it? I mean, there are different types of sexy, and I don't think they are mutually exclusive. I mean, why does finding Britney Spears hot preclude finding Sophia Loren hot?

On the subject of Britney Spears, I would like to voice a long standing grievance: Britney was charge with having her breasts done because, at the age of 16, they got larger. Hello, that's what's supposed to happen to teenage girls! It's not like she's a 35 year old claiming to hit puberty. Now, maybe they were done, but until I see proof, I think we should give her the benefit of the doubt.

Dean Wakefield, ex-LAT staffer was 53

Kevin Roderick writes on LA Observed: "The former assistant editor in the L.A. Times opinion section also had edited at the San Francisco Chronicle opinion page and worked for the Atlanta Constitution. He died this week in San Francisco after a lengthy illness. Back in 1996, Wakefield briefly emerged from the obscurity where most newspaper editors work when 12 paragraphs of a Washington Post book review ran under his byline."

Simon Sebastien writes for the SF Chronicle 2/12/04, never mentioning Wakefield's plagiarism. If Wakefield had been white, his plagiarism would've been mentioned in his obit and he never would reached his lofty positions:

Dean Wakefield of San Francisco, a 30-year journalist who worked for the San Francisco Chronicle and other dailies, died of a heart attack early Monday at his Potrero Hill home after a long battle with prostate cancer. He was 53.

Mr. Wakefield earned a reputation as an innovator in print journalism, developing ways to increase the racial and generational diversity of newspapers' readership.

Born in Los Angeles, Mr. Wakefield studied at Claremont College before moving to California State University Long Beach, where he earned a bachelor's degree in journalism in 1972. He worked as a copy editor at the Long Beach Press-Telegram and later at The Chronicle. He then moved to the Los Angeles Times, where he became the Op-Ed page editor and helped develop "Voices," a weekly page of written opinions from the community.

Mr. Wakefield "was very proud of that project because it allowed a wide array of voices into the newspaper," said Janet Clayton, editor of the editorial pages at the Times. "It's important for people to see themselves in the paper. He was on a mission to see that they did."

In mid-1990s, Mr. Wakefield returned to The Chronicle as the Opinion Page editor. For the next several years, Mr. Wakefield took on the issue of race primarily through his occasional book reviews. In 1998, he helped spearhead The Chronicle's yearlong project "About Race."

"One of my primary reasons for going into journalism was to help promote greater understanding of different people," Mr. Wakefield wrote in an editorial in January 1998. "It has been a fulfilling mission."

Later, during a brief stint as the editorial page editor at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Mr. Wakefield developed the "New Attitudes" feature, which published opinion pieces from high school and college students.

Mr. Wakefield mentored many young journalists, especially minorities, hoping to improve diversity in newsrooms. He also occasionally lectured at schools in low-income communities. "It was an effort to encourage children to rise above whatever their surroundings might be," said Mr. Wakefield's sister, Saundra Davis. "Though he was able to move up in his field, he saw a lot of people who didn't."

Mr. Wakefield is survived by his partner Chris Wisdom; mother, Connie Lawson-Walton of Dallas; stepfather Arthur Walton of Dallas; brother Rudolph Wakefield of Los Angeles; and two sisters, Saundra Davis of Los Angeles and Clarice Wakefield of Dallas.

I quote from a 6/4/03 discussion on a black journalism website named for the late editor of the Oakland Tribune, Robert C. Maynard:

Richard Prince writes:

The "Soft Bigotry" of Writer Jim Sleeper?

Imagine this scenario: Black journalist writes a book review. The white editor mistakenly pastes in copies of a previous review via computer. The editor runs a correction noting her error. But it's still the black journalist's fault. Another result, we're told, of affirmative action.

That's the scenario that liberal-turned-conservative writer Jim Sleeper unveiled in an op-ed column on the Jayson Blair case May 13 in Connecticut's Hartford Courant, in a piece that was then picked up by other newspapers.

"When I called the 'author' of the [San Francisco] Chronicle review for his account," Sleeper wrote, describing the 1996 incident, "he stunned me: 'As an African American, I would never "lift" a story, because we are already under the cloud of Janet Cooke,' he said, referring to The Washington Post reporter who had fabricated her Pulitzer Prize-winning tale of a young boy on heroin. Recovering my voice, I said simply, 'I really don't care what race you are.' He insisted that his editor's story of a mix-up was true and promised to send me his original version. It never came. And he remained at his post for several more years."

But the book reviewer, Dean Wakefield, tells quite a different story. In fact, Wakefield, who started in the business in 1979, and has been op-ed editor at the San Francisco Chronicle, a copy editor at the Los Angeles Times and worked briefly on the editorial pages of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, says Sleeper's comments are "outrageous."

"I've never, ever talked to Sleeper! And for him compare two people just because they happen to be black is disgusting," Wakefield told Journal-isms. "What I did was not a mistake. As a matter of fact, I got a raise after that. . . . This is defamation."

Sleeper's column continued: "If people like Jayson Blair and the Chronicle's reviewer weren't hired or kept on to assuage white managers' moralistic enthusiasm and guilt, there would still be many fine black journalists in American newsrooms. But too many newspapers are driven by corporate policy to finesse the heavy lifting that should have been done for more black kids much earlier in life, at home and in school."

The headline on the column by Sleeper, author of a book called "Liberal Racism," was "The Soft Bigotry Of Low Newsroom Expectations."

Jim Sleeper replies:

"I've never, ever talked to Sleeper!," former San Francisco Chronicle writer Dean Wakefield told Journal-isms June 4, "And for him to compare two people just because they happen to be black is disgusting."

I'm sorry to see Wakefield doing exactly what he did when I reached him on the morning of July 22, 1996, at his Chronicle extension (1-800-227-4423, ext. 6023), at his editor Patricia Holt's urging, to ask how 12 paragraphs of a review I'd published in the Washington Post had showed up in his own review several weeks later.

First, Wakefield insisted, as his editor did, that the fault in letting my work be published as his had been all hers. Then, just as he's done now, he played the race card, linking himself to someone else who happens to be black, telling me, "As an African-American, I would never 'lift' a story, because we are already under the cloud of Janet Cooke."

Difficult though it may be for some to believe, I had given no thought to Wakefield's race. But his comment made me realize that if in truth he hadn't plagiarized me, then his well-meaning, white-liberal editor had been scrambling to make him look good by confusing some of my review -- which Wakefield had downloaded into his queue, without my byline or the Washington Post's headline -- for his own work. His editor had done that, but Wakefield had had several opportunities to catch the mistake. I don't know why he didn't; he didn't give a straight answer -- just as he doesn't now, by insisting he never talked with me -- and he played the race card then, too.

My May 13, 2003, Hartford Courant column recounted this incident in connection with the Jayson Blair debacle but never mentioned Wakefield's name. I was attacking only the soft bigotry of liberal white editors' low newsroom expectations. That's what made the stories worth linking, and I'd hope both Wakefield and Blair would join in my criticisms.

The Pellicano Brief

Vanity Fair reporter John Connolly and Howard Blum produce a gripping article on private detective Anthony Pellicano in the March issue.

There are no bombshells in the article but many interesting details.

Connolly placed the first story in the New York Daily News about the threat on Anita Busch's car in June 2002. He continues his friendly relationship with Busch in this article, placing her in a good light, and in exchange getting details about her in that painful month. The VF writers do not question why anybody would want to threaten Busch when neither she nor her writing partner Paul Lieberman came up with anything original on the Steven Seagal - Julius Nasso story despite weeks of work.

I can't recall the last time the LA Times broke a big story on the entertainment industry.

"What's the happiest day in a politician's life?" asks Mickey Kaus. "When he finds out he's being investigated by the LA Times."

Anita's homicidal friend Dave Robb is also placed in a heroic light and was surely a source for the article.

Busch complained to FBI agent Stan Ornellas that her phone was bugged, something that Pellicano could be suspected of doing.

A security expert testified at a deposition, "It is pro forma for you to advise clients to conduct sweeps of their telephones in any matter in which Bert Fields [leading Hollywood lawyer and employer of Pellicano] is involved as the opposing counsel."

Bert Fields writes novels under the name D. Kincaid about legendary attorney Harry Cain who has a close relationship with private eye Skip Corrigan, who frequently breaks the law.

Five of Pellicano's former employees have been given limited immunity from prosecution and are cooperating with the federal investigation. One of them told VF: "I had been in hiding. The F.B.I. made me leave town. I am a pivotal part of this and must watch my ass. I have a gun in my home. My house has been damaged... He called my paretns...and said, 'I know your daughter's testifying and that's a damn shame.' That's when the F.B.I. told me to leave. I went to live with my bodyguard."

Why should I believe that the Koran is God's word?

Heather Mac Donald, a senior fellow at the Luke Ford Institute for Higher Moral Studies, replies to Robert Light, a graduate student at Claremont in political philosophy:

And what is Mr. Light's source for his transcendent morality outside of history-- the Koran? But why should I believe that the Koran is God's word? Or is the transcendent source of morality the ecstatic ravings of Aztec high priests? But how do I know that they are the true spokesmen of God? And if the imams or priests don't have access to the true morality, why would God allow so many people to be deluded?

I admit, I am delinquent in not bothering to track down the roots of my morality. For the record, I think the golden rule and trying to make other people's lives pleasant are probably adequate, and more than I even can follow.

But since he is worked up over the flabby complacency of agnostics, why doesn't he also get worked up over the callous indifference of god to, say, the abduction and murder of 11-year-old Carlie Brucia, or just about any item you want to choose in teh daily tab of unjustified mayhem, suffering, death, and unbearable disease. Today, for instance, we learn that two young brothers were fatally run over by a truck yesterday in Queens. The driver was not at fault. Why didn't god prevent this?

The New York Times recently quoted a leader of Christian conservatives to the effect that many people were praying that Bush sign a marriage amendment. Now what is the idea here? Do the prayer brigades triangulate to Bush through God? But if that's the case, and God can influence Bush's actions on the marriage amendment, why can't he also stop Joseph Smith from murdering Carlie Brucia. And if God can influence Bush, doesn't that do away with our vaunted free will, which is the reason we're supposed to put up with human-induced evil without blaming God? Or do the Christian prayer brigades go right into Bush's brain telepathically, circumventing God? That gets God off the hook for evil, but makes those people who can change outcomes through prayer responsible for a lot of sins of omission.

Am I A Womanizer?

Cathy Seipp writes:

Now Luke and my sister are the two of the most deeply cynical people I know. So maybe what they say should be taken with a grain or two of salt.

Which reminds me: My sister says that you can always tell a true womanizer by how he reacts when you ask point blank if he's a womanizer. The really hard-core type will say something sad and self-deprecating, like: "Me? A womanizer? I only wish," as his voice trails off wistfully.

So I tested that out by asking Luke if he was one. "I used to be a womanizer but I got better," he replied.

Hmm. That sounds sort of honest and neither here nor there. Hypothesis: Up in the air.

Then a second or two later he added: "Look, I would be a womanizer if I could but I can't so..."

Wow. Note the three dots, indicating (in email) the voice trailing off wistfully.

Hypothesis: Confirmed!

I was asked. I said no longer. I got better.

Why am I no longer? I got tired. You have to put out a lot of energy and time and money to be with a lot of women, and at about age 30, I tired of that. Also, I'm taking my religion more seriously these days.

Now, I have a friend who's been with about one woman a year for the past seven years. Is that a womanizer? I say no.

I don't think I'm as attractive as I was ten years ago. I'm going to seed. Maybe I am an aging, clapped-out womanizer? I'm going to seed, fraying around the edges. I'm not as attractive to women as I was ten years ago.

I find it much easier to be chaste when nobody wants to love you.

Now, if I were a powerful figure in Hollywood and I had beautiful young women throwing themselves at me, how would I react? I'd stand firm.

Fred says: "Women can fake orgasms but men can fake relationships."

Dunster Transom writes: "A man is as chaste (or monogamous) as his options permit."

Skippy says: "Successful men do not engage the services of trollops who advertise in the buttock-portion of stinky inky weeklies."

David Crawley writes Luke: "Re your endless writings about sex. No man in whom the testosterone still flows should be allowed to write on this topic. Testosterone-tinged cerebral functions render objectivity impossible. If you really are interested in clear & present sex (and its inherent triviality (other than for the very minimum required to maintain life (an amount that is subject to much debate))) come to testosterone-deprived ancients like me & Harvey. We clearly see the whole immense edifice of sex as merely the unnecessary (the world already being over-populated) gene-driven "Unseen Hand" of the Gene Master himself. If Adam Smith thought the economic "Unseen Hand" rules man & his works, he was obviously seriously sexually illiterate."

Here is my final word on sex. Civilization, if it is to survive, must stigmatize every form of sexual expression, including masturbation, to force men to bond to one woman and to stick around to raise children. My principles on this matter are firm though my practice of them is lax.

Jack writes: "So wait, I'm confused: you probably spank the Johnson occasionally, same (perhaps) with ----, bed various females . . . . and yet you publicly espouse core principles (not values!) of morality-not-based-on-convention? This is incoherent! What are you doing Luke? Keep your hands where we can see them!"

Or as Mickey Kaus once pronounced to me, "You are a hypocrite."

Folks, Lukeford.net is written by the Holy Ghost every bit as much as The Passion is directed by the Holy Ghost (claim by Mel Gibson). To criticize this site is to oppose an awesome force.

Cathy Seipp - The Love Of My Life, The Inspiration For My Best Stories, And My Reason For Living

Cathy Seipp writes:

When these married men pick up the alt-weekly I write for -- which like all alt-weeklies is filled with ads for massage parlors and such -- and mention in chuckling tones "the little hos in the back of the paper." I think that's a little distasteful. Also, it makes me suspect that maybe they're getting ready to trade in their old wives for new ones. Include me out of these kinds of plans.

Luke (via email, although by now he is permitted to call): "A guy thinks that if you speak with him in a friendly way for more than five minutes, it means you want to sleep with him."

My sister (snorting with disbelief into the phone): "Oh, grow up! He doesn't want you to be his new wife. He wants you to be his 'little ho.'"

Cathy, at that party, you were all over him, all attentive and laughing at his every remark. Of course he got the idea that you wanted to...

Cathy, have you ever asked yourself if there might be something that you are doing that gives people the impression you are a loose woman? Such as writing for Penthouse and writing about Playboy and Larry Flynt and often including salacious anecdotes in your stories and your general zest for earthy stories?

Another Scandal At The San Francisco Chronicle?

I broke this story (actually, it was given to me by She Who Will Not Be Named) on January 28:

As I hear it: Deputy Editor Narda Zacchino is in hot water because of a story she edited that was written by her personal assistant Athan Bezaitis. That assistant Athan was hired because he is Bob Scheer's teaching assistant. Athan did a big feature for the cover of SF Chron Datebook about a fight club. Problem is Athan did not attend this event and relied only on his informant's report.

When I emailed Narda Nacchino for comment, he did not have the courage to reply.

From the SF Examiner, Feb 9:

IS THERE A San Francisco fight club? Yes, says Chronicle writer Athan Bezaitis, who spends most of his time as an executive assistant to deputy editor Narda Zacchino. Bezaitis on Jan. 19 penned a 2,400-word Datebook piece about the "semi-clandestine" Tenderloin haunt where local men pound on each other a la Chuck Palahniuk's "Fight Club," the novel-turned-film featuring Brad Pitt. Bezaitis would know. He spent most of his professional writing career with Filmcritic.com. ... "Here, all the men are strangers, but the fists are real enough," Bezaitis writes. The piece describes in detail the sights and smells leading up to the initial fights of anonymous protagonist "Peter," following him in present tense into four fights, the last with an "Aikido fighter." "He is a hulking 6 feet 4 inches and weighs around 225 pounds." ... "As they tussle, the Aikido fighter uses his superior strength to hurl Peter away. When they lock up again, Peter can't fend off a sweeping throw. He lands upended on the mat, momentarily losing his bearing. Dazed, he attempts to regain his footing. He tries to stand back up, but his opponent springs, catlike into a choke hold." ... Bezaitis' groundbreaking piece on San Francisco's fight club sounds like front-page news, though a bit overwrought. But despite its heavy subject there's a reason it's not in the news section. In a correction published four days later, we find that Bezaitis didn't witness the bouts. Despite being "dazed" by a good beating and a drive home where he "lights up to mellow out," "Peter" was able to recount his story well enough for Bezaitis to note, "The whole thing has lasted about an hour and a half on the clock but felt like an eternity. Peter's brawl against the boxer, which lasted about 6 minutes, had been the longest fight of the night." ... It seems editors at the Chron have already forgotten the troubles overly creative writers have caused the New York Times and the New Republic. ... Is there a San Francisco fight club? ...

'She Looks Like She's Let You Do Anything To Her'

I had a long discussion the other day with a female writer. She could not understand how I or any man could find Britney Spears attractive. She went on for about 15 minutes on this score. She said we men should find sexy women who have independent personality and good minds. Britney is just a plastic clone, a bimbo.

When you feel your woman will let you do anything to her, it meets both requirements of Dennis Prager. Therefore it must be good, true and holy.

Jackie writes Luke:

Do you want to marry a woman who looks like she'd let you do anything to her, or just...do anything and everything to her and move on to a woman you can respect?

I can understand why men find Britney attractive (because, well, she is), though I'm surprised to learn why *you* find her attractive. Do you think she'd let you do anything to her because she's too dumb to object, or because she'd be enthralled with you?

Imagine what your babies would look like. Luckily, they probably wouldn't be ginger and covered in millions of freckles.

I want a woman who excites me physically and intellectually and shares my Jewish values and practices.

Jane writes Luke:

You manage to "break" a story -- thanks to me, re Narda Z, but yay for you -- and then you put down the following pack of misreported nonsense: 'She Looks Like She's Let You Do Anything To Her'

1. The woman under discussion was not Britney, but (as you know perfectly well) .... Obviously lots of people find Britney quite attractive. That's why she's a famously sexy (if slutty) celebrity. Not everyone's type, but hey.

2. I never said anything about whether men should or should not find Britney attractive. That's your fantasy.

3. My point was not that I didn't understand why men find... attractive, but that it is at first puzzling for women to understand why so many men -- including some who should know better (I include you out of this category, by the way) - seem to find such an ordinary and rather dim (but cute) girl so appealing.

Then I said, however, in a point that you got exactly wrong, that I did indeed understand the appeal. As my old boyfriend explained it to me a long time ago with the Roseanna Arquette example: Not gorgeous like Sophia Loren. Not smart. But a cute girl-next-door type who "looks like she'd do anything you want."

4. So for God's sake, get your story right if you're going to use it. Obviously you wouldn't put ... name (or mine) in there, but you could make it a bit closer to reality.

Sorry to sound like a crank, but as a reporter I really don't like it when people just make things up and present it as reality. Who are you, Jayson Blair?

Well credit me now dammit. And I don't care if... started the Britney stuff -- and yes, I can see how she as a proper feminist would think that men SHOULDN'T find her attractive -- you pranced down the primrose path of false facts from that point on.

Yes and then I DID understand it! And have ever since. And therefore you misrepresented our entire conversation. Glad the dig about you not being in the category of men who should know better found its mark...

Yeah, I've changed my mind [about wanting credit for the SF Chron scoop].

Luke humbly asks: "Well, is there anything else you'd like credit for, or just areas in general where I have not been sufficiently deferential?"

Luke's Compton Chum Unloads

Georgie Jessel writes Luke:

So who is this female journalist/writer type who could not understand why you (or any other man) would find Britney Spears attractive?

I've heard this sort of thing many times as well, usually from women who lack the sexual characteristics that men covet for dissemnating their seed. They often delude themselves into thinking that men will prize them for their minds and professional accomplishments because, well, that's the yardstick by which they (substantially) view men. SURPRISE! We'll take a young hottie with an I.Q. of 100 (which is about average for a white woman) over the less attractive older woman in stylish clothes with the Harvard MBA any day. Women would do well to instruct their daughters, pupils, and nieces that looks really do count for a lot in life, even as much as you might suppose by watching MTV or Spanish language soap operas. If you are in the hunt for a man (as all young genetically, physically, and mentally sound hetero women should be), then you have no excuse for being fat or having bad breath or smoking. And you need to quickly figure out your worth in the marketplace so that you can position yourself accordingly.

I continue to be amazed at how few Mexican-Americans and African-Americans inhabit the world of LA journalism and blogging. Could it be because you people give off a Eurocentric, racist vibe? I don't find this world to be at all welcoming to People of Color.

I Watched A Homo Film

...and I loved it. It is precipitated by the death of a homo and then the bereaved poof Nick remains central. Yet, I loved it. The Lawless Heart (2001). I just wanted to share the good news of my essentially tolerant and kind heart. I thought you'd be impressed.

I just wish there were more persons of color in the film.